Till The WICKED End | A Maze Runner Story (English Version)

2. Efforts and wishes

"It's getting late. We should get back to camp," Brenda stated with a glance at the setting sun.
I nodded and put a few last sticks on the large basket we had filled until just now. Tonight's campfire was going to be good, that much was clear.
"Hey, Franci, will you give me a hand?" I asked.
Francesca lifted one side of the basket while I took the other, and together we carried the wood toward the quarters. Sonya and Harriet followed us with a basket almost as full, and Brenda walked beside me, a sly smile on her face. I could see such a smile on her more and more often since we had arrived here. This place was doing us all good.
"I'm sure Gally can't wait to see you again. Even though we were only gone for an hour."
I had already realized that she would say something similar after grinning in that very particular way. Therefore, I just stuck my tongue out at her and quickened my steps. To her, it must have looked like I was confirming her words with that, and I could see the smile widening. Actually, I hurried because the basket was getting heavier with every meter and Francesca was already red-headed from the effort, even though I knew as well as Brenda that her words were true.
When we got over the first dunes, we could already see the camp. The orange light of the setting sun made it look almost surreal, and its inhabitants seemed to be all back from their tours of the island already, because I could see that the first fires were burning and cooking was already going on in the kitchen as well.
"I'll go put on something warmer," Brenda said, turning off in the direction of where we were sleeping.
We made our way among the people and were greeted now and then. Finally we reached the fire in front of the kitchen where Fry Pan and Aris were standing.
"There you are."
"We lost track of time a bit. Sorry, Pan," I explained.
He smiled. "It's all right. We had a little wood left, after all."
Aris unloaded some from our basket and deposited it next to the fire. Then we made our way to the largest of the fires, where Vince was already waiting for us. He accepted the baskets.
"Thanks, girls. Come on, go put some clothes on and then come to the fire."
We nodded and now followed Brenda as well. I crossed my arms in front of my chest because it was really nippy. Surely we could have it worse, the winter here was very mild, yet it was much colder than it had ever gotten at the Glade.
The Glade. A strange feeling still came up inside me when I thought about my past. I just couldn't get rid of the thought that everything had been better back then. Easier. We had it better here than ever before and were safe, but the people we had lost on the way here - was it worth it?
My eyes wandered as if automatically to the huge rock that stood next to the big fire. The names of our friends were carved into it, all those we had lost. I looked at the spot where I had carved Newt's name. Although I was so far away that I couldn't read it, I still knew exactly where to look. Countless times I had sat there, tears in my eyes, looking at those four letters. This place had certainly not been worth dying for.
My memory of Newt was just as vivid as the first day after his death, when I had been unable to do anything but cry. And yet it was different. Probably it was because I had resigned myself to seeing the scene of his death over and over again when Thomas and I had tried out what connected us. While we found it easier to navigate it all day by day, Newt's face still appeared in our mind's eye from time to time when we were connected. The fact of being able to share everything without having to talk about it was good, even if it still irritated me, almost frightened me. No one but Minho knew about it, and I didn't plan to tell anyone else. They would think we were crazy anyway, I was sure of that.
I guess you could say I was a little over Newt, if you will. He was dead and that was unchangeable. I had to live with it, couldn't do anything about it. Somehow it had to go on, and it was as I had imagined it - the fact that he had been my first great love, the One for me, was irrefutable. No one would ever be able to change that, not a person in this world. Not even Gally.
Which brings us back to the ubiquitous topic. I tried really hard to make true what I had promised him, what I had promised Newt. I wanted to be happy and I wanted Gally to be happy because he was the one who really wanted to make me happy, who wanted to be there for me. And he really was, he was always there for me. I felt like myself around him and I wanted the whole thing to work. And actually, it did. If I wasn't still so sad deep down inside and thinking about Newt all the time, everything would be easier.