Till The WICKED End | A Maze Runner Story (English Version)

30. Teddy-eyes

Newt's hand in mine twitched a little and I looked up, into his face, which was now distorted with pain again. He was suffering, that was obvious. And he was struggling. But would he make it?
"And then?" Thomas asked, who, just like me, had been rendered speechless for the last few minutes after we had learned what had happened, after we had returned to the WICKED Tower.
"The rest is quite simple. We took Subject A5 and locked him up with the other infected. We escaped here, far away from you and your friends from the Right Arm. We rebuilt what was left, fortified ourselves and waited while we scattered breadcrumbs."
I nodded slowly. At last it all made sense. Newt's knife had missed his heart. The Flare had slowed his breathing and pulse so much that we had assumed he was dead. And hadn't everything, really everything, pointed to that? Yes, I was sure it had. I had seen every detail of that night countless times in my dreams, had experienced it during the day in flashbacks that came again and again. And yet I felt as if I had betrayed Newt, who, lying there like that, looked again as he had all those years ago when I had first seen him, on the bed in the bare room where Janson had charged me with him. It was as if no time had passed, as if he were sixteen again and had just lost his parents and also his sister to WICKED - one way and the other. That day he had changed my life forever, had started all this. And I had let him down.
Was this really going to become so much my thing? Hadn't I already left Gally dying, too? What had I done to deserve meeting them both again? I had abandoned them, not they me.
Completely immersed in these dark thoughts, I hadn't even noticed at first how Newt's hand moved in mine. It was only when he let out a low moan that I became aware of him. I looked up and saw that the dark veins had now completely disappeared and his features had become calm. Only the black, dried blood on his chin now suggested that he was a Crank. Or had been? I didn't dare believe it.
"I think it's time we leave. For now," Shepherd said then.
I was about to protest indignantly and rose to do so when she pushed me back into my chair.
"Oh, not you, my dear. Now it's really getting interesting."
Confused, I watched her as she switched the Dictaphone back on and then left the room with Thomas, who didn't even protest but just gave me a warm look. I felt a slight tingle and it was almost as if we were connecting our thoughts. I knew he would be waiting with the doctor on the other side of the one-way mirror, close to me the whole time. That reassured me.
But as I let myself sink back into my chair and my gaze drifted back to Newt, I suddenly didn't care at all if anyone stayed near me or if the whole world left me alone. In fact, I probably would have preferred the latter.
Newt had opened his eyes. He looked at me unblinkingly through clear brown eyes, just as he had done when we first met over four years ago.
Teddy-eyes.
They were there again. They were looking at me again. My heart skipped a beat and then started beating at triple speed. I couldn't help it, silent tears ran down my cheeks and I could do nothing but stare into those beautiful eyes.
"Hey," Newt whispered after we had just looked at each other for a while. His voice was rough, but it was his. No virus distorted it anymore.
"Hey," I breathed, biting my lower lip to keep from sobbing. I felt dizzy and found it hard to believe that this wasn't just a dream. Or a simulation? After all, I hadn't experienced one yet. Had Avery put me in one? Was I about to wake up and have my heart break again?
No. Newt squeezed my hand now with his right, which I still held. His fingers were warm and even when he put the other one, which had also been so icy at the end when the infection had spread, on top of mine, it too was as warm as before.
"How are you?" I asked softly.
Still he just looked me in the eye and I threatened to lose myself in his gaze, as had happened to me again and again in the beginning.
"I'm fine now," he replied quietly and slowly sat up, groaning as I helped him undo his bonds. "It's really you."
"Yes. Yes, it's really me." More tears ran down my cheeks. I moved a little closer to his bed.
"You... Do you remember anything?" There was so much I wanted to tell him, but just didn't know how. So I instinctively started with whatever popped into my head.
He frowned and took his eyes off me now for the first time.
I expected many things, for him to tell me that we had let him down, what WICKED had done to him, but instead he looked me in the eye again and said, "You saved me."
He looked at me unblinkingly.
"I failed you, Newt..." I whispered, my voice breaking.
"No, you didn't." Decisively, he shook his head, though then held onto the edge of the bed with one hand, as it seemed to make him dizzy.
"Yes, I should have stayed with you... But it was as if you were dead. The knife... It was stuck in your chest, where your heart is..." - At these words he grabbed his chest where his shirt was still soaked in blood and cut - "And I closed your eyes, you no longer had a pulse, you weren't breathing... I mourned you, Newt. It was as if my world had ended. It went down..." I didn't know what to say and felt that none of my sentences strung together incoherently made any sense.
But Newt seemed to understand anyway. He had always understood me. "I died that night. When I became one of those things, it was like I was still in this body, but like someone else had taken control. I fought it, all the time, I didn't want to hurt Tommy, I didn't want to hurt that girl... But I couldn't control myself anymore. I wanted to die, I wanted to get out of this body that no longer obeyed me. And then suddenly you were there, calling my name... And I knew I could fight my way out of it if you were with me. I knew I would keep my promise never to hurt you. Then there was a stab," again he grabbed his chest, where the knife had cut his skin, "and then darkness. I remember Thomas's eyes, your voice, your warmth still somehow getting through to me. Then everything went black." He swallowed and seemed to have to collect himself before he could talk further. "I was sure that was death, that it was over. But it just didn't end. I wondered if it was just like that, if the soul just existed in dark space after life, if this would be hell. I was trapped in my body, but I had no control over it let alone access to my senses. All I saw was you. And then I thought that maybe I wasn't in hell after all, but in heaven. If you were there, then it couldn't be anything else, could it? Then I realised that I could see you, but I could never reach you. And more and more I realised that I wasn't dead. At least not completely. I understood that it must be the virus that kept my body alive while I was trapped inside it. And that I would only be free if I killed it. But these people wouldn't let that happen. Every time I got control of this Other in my head and tried to bash my head against the wall or claw my throat open, they stopped me. I couldn't leave for some reason. And then I suddenly understood that you were that reason. You were always the reason for everything."
He reached out a hand and brushed the tears from my cheeks. His touch tingled on my skin and I placed my right hand on his against my cheek.
"After an eternity of pain, struggle and paralysis, you suddenly stood before me. And for the first time, I no longer wanted to die, I wanted to live. I wanted to live for you. Then I lost control again. I hurt you, Anna. I'm so sorry."
"You didn't hurt me. You healed me, with you being alive. The world couldn't have given me a greater gift, Newt."
"And now you've healed me," he whispered. "Not only here" - he pointed to his head - "but here, too." Now he pointed to his heart.
"I missed you so much..." Now I couldn't hold back the sob after all. I rushed forward and wrapped my arms around his neck. I didn't care at all that he had been wearing those clothes for over five months and they were crusted with blood. I didn't even notice.
"I love you, Anna. I've loved you since day one and I'll always love you," Newt breathed in my ear.
"And I love you. Always," I replied.
I leaned back just a few inches and looked into his clear, brown teddy bear eyes. And then I finally kissed him.