Shape Unsheltered

CHAPTER -28-

HAPPY READING 🥰

Cindy Washington

The next few days pass with me floating on the high DeMarcus provided all weekend and Monday morning. Monday has become my favourite day of the week.

DeMarcus has been nothing but sweet the past four days even though he is not here. He leaves me smiling and giggling after every call or text. I have to tell Steph about us but I will wait a little while longer and make sure our relationship flourish the way it should.

As I sit here, I remember the first time I brought up my career ambitions to Sean he shoots it down immediately. He said he can provide for his family, I don't need to do anything. It hurt my feelings and I push it aside for a while but I couldn't keep it away all the time. When I brought it up a second time he asked what I wanted. When I told him what I wanted, he wanted to open an establishment and I can run it. How was I to do that when I don't have the training or expertise to do so. All I wanted was the space and time to work at my own pace, while I work my way up. When I push back I became the enemy without my side being told. He then brought up having more children and everything went downhill from there. I don't want to think he did that on purpose to keep me box in and change my perspective so I will not assume anything.

Nevertheless, I don't blame Sean. I blame myself for the way I fought back. I not only hurt the people around me, but I also hurt myself. Sean has moved on probably with the love of his life and created the family he wants for himself, all the while maintaining his career. You really can have it all, there is no need to choose or be put in a position to do so.

Now future me has dealt with part of the hurt unfortunately I may never get over the way I was hurting, the way I cheated myself out of my identity. Who knows what I would have accomplished at this age. The way I put myself last on my to-do list, the age I left my son and the way I brought myself low, there is so much more and Sean the way I hurt him. I shouldn't have let certain things happen, I didn't think about anyone or anything. I just reacted out of hurt and fear. I know that now and I'm learning every day. I'm living and I'm learning.

DeMarcus has opened my eyes to a new horizon to pursue with fantastic new points of view I never knew. I'm ready to pursue this whole new world with him. I'm doubtful of a lot of things but I'm ready. I'm ready to feel and open my heart again. I've given myself enough time.

I will continue to focus on the positives, take my life one step at a time and watch it unfolds before my eyes. One new thing I have learned this year. Well, I've learned a lot this year but one that sticks out is I never have to choose I can have it all and I don't have to be put in a position where I have to choose. He has redefined my whole outlook on life and myself. I'm much stronger than I give myself credit for and the doubt I carry around I can work on overcoming them while bettering myself as an individual, mother, career woman and whosoever else I figure out along the way.

I lay back in bed going over one of the manuscripts of this month's picks. It's an incredible story of a young painter who struggles to balance everyday life being a struggling artist and balance the love he was developing with his muse. The author had me captivated at how he loves his muse so much he tries to capture their love on canvas.

My phone rings and I quickly answer because it's Steph.

"Good night love, how was your day."

"Good night mom," the way he says it piques my interest and I wonder what's wrong. His voice is low and worrisome.

"What's wrong Steph," I say gently to make him comfortable so he can talk to me.

He sighs, "the winter formal is approaching fast."