Our Heart's Desire (gxg) (lesbian)

Chapter 3

SYDNEY

Let me tell you a secret. Lana and I are complicated, but not, if that makes sense. She's my soulmate. I just know it, but her attitude drives me fucking nuts. I love her to death. In fact, I love her more than anything in this world and she doesn't know it; she doesn't know that I've been in love with her from the first day I laid eyes on her when we were just 14 years old. I tried to mask the feelings I have with her behind the arms of other girls. Maybe one of these girls would be the one who will pull me out of this rut I have for my best friend.

The last couple of years--maybe 2 years, she's been cold. I noticed around half our school year our Junior year together. I have no clue why. Sometimes, I feel like I'm just a burden in her life or she doesn't want to be best friends with me anymore. I have no idea what I've done wrong and she won't even talk to me about it.

I'm driving to this place that Harlow mentioned. I assumed she wanted me to take her there, but I played it off that I was busy. Instead, I'm taking Lana there. Maybe the view will calm her a little. At least I hope so. I pulled into a dirt road until the trees cleared into an open space almost at the edge of the hill. The lights of the city was beautiful. I glanced in Lana's direction and I saw the happiness in her eyes, but knowing her she won't tell me. She doesn't realize I notice a lot of things about her.

"So, how do you like it?"

"Why'd you bring me here, Syd?" She pondered.

"Harlow mentioned it, so I want to check it out?"

"But why now?"

"Why not?" I answered trying to deflect the question. I wanted to see this for the first time with her. "Why can't I not see it with my best friend? Why are you asking me that?"

"I'm just curious. It's nothing."

I let it slide like I always do, "Hey, let's sit on the hood of the car and just stare, yeah?" I suggested.

She nodded and I helped her up to the of my hood, then I climbed up right after her, but soon after climbed back down again and went to the trunk of my car.

"What did you do, Syd?" she asked me.

"I got you a blanket." I told her.

I saw a glimpse of solemness in her eyes. I wrapped the blanket around us as we stared out into the distance. There were a few others around us. I'm guessing this is where people who were coupled or looking for sex goes, but I'm here with Lana. I wouldn't be here with anyone else, but her. She rested her head on my shoulder.

"Syd?" she questioned, "Do you ever think where we will be years from now? Like if we weren't best friends anymore?"

"I don't know Lana. I never thought about it. I always thought we'd be best friends forever. You know BFFs... the second F meaning forever." I chuckled.

"I'm being serious Syd." she wasn't having it.

"I really don't think about that stuff Lana. I think about the Now and what I can control now. I can't control what happens in the future. I can't control what will happen tomorrow. I don't know what tomorrow brings, but when the time comes, I guess, I'll try to fight for you to be my best friend forever. I can't imagine my life without you in it. I don't want to lose you."

"That's good to hear." she whispered. I think she had tears escaping her eyes, but I didn't want ask. I let her rest her head on my shoulder and she had her arms wrapped around my arm closest to her. We were there for a good maybe 20 minutes or so talking about silly things. I was trying to make her smile. I know she's been down the last few hours. She won't tell me, so I won't push her to.

"It's getting late. We should head back to the dorms."

"Yeah, you're right. Let's go."

I got down first then I helped her down. "Why must you wear these types of shoes?" I joked with her. "Shut up, Syd, and just help me down."

I laughed and helped her down and being a wentlwomen that I am, I opened the door for her again, but this time I shut it closed as soon as she settled in. We drove to campus and walked to into our building. I walked her to the door as she slipped her key into the card slot. She turns around and leaned on the door frame, "I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow." We stood still. I couldn't help, but stare into her dark brown eyes. Lust. I wanted her, but I can't have her. Love. Love? I wish the love she shows me was the love I craved from her and just like that she broke her gaze and walked into her room and right before she shut the door with me just inches from it, she whispered, "Goodnight, Syd."

I would never allow anyone else to call me Syd. I left that nickname just for her. I know how mad she gets when someone else tries to call me by that nickname. I guess It's the only things that keeps me close to her that I know is hers and no one else to take. It gave me a sense of hope. Right? Hope... what was I thinking? I do hope one day we will be together, but that's far from reach. She'd never go for a girl like me. She's innocent and well me... I'm Sydney, whom she knew as the player.

I turned around and headed into my dorm. There, stood Bea in her short black short shorts and a sports bra. Oh, god.. the wrong moment to walk into. Now, I'm lusting over her. But, this year I made a promise to myself and only to myself that I wouldn't sleep with another women, unless she was the one who changed my heart away from Lana. But, having Bea like this in the same room was making me feel things all over my sensitive area. She was making it hard for me to keep my promise to myself because I just wanted to pin her against the door.

I shook my head, "Hey, Bea."

She turned around and stared longingly at me. Was she tempting me; seducing me wearing something like that. "Hey Sydney. How's your night?"

"It was good. Just going to head in to shower then calling it a night." I kept the conversation short and walked straight into our shared bathroom. I need to take a cold shower. A really long cold shower and that was what I did.