Our Heart's Desire (gxg) (lesbian)

Chapter 7

LANA

4 years has gone by and all I've done was think of her. I was so tempted to to call her. She's fucking everywhere I go and everywhere I look. She became a fucking popstar. I don't know if I'm happy for her or sad for pushing the love of my life into the arms of fan girls who I imagine throw themselves at her all the time and she takes them. She became a celebrity. I tell myself, I fucked up real bad. I pushed her to fuck all these girls, but I'm also proud that she made something out of herself. I listen to her songs to hear her voice again, but also hear her messages and to remember every memory that we shared together. She treasured every memory we had together. I've always known she could sing. She became my favorite voice on the radio.

I have a girlfriend I've been with for a few months now. I haven't dated anyone since I left Florida. I haven't told her I love her because I just couldn't. The one I love, I left her alone by herself. Her mom past away a few years back. I wasn't there to hold her hand. I could imagine how hard it was for her and it hurt me that I didn't go. My dad told me she called asking even begging for me to attend the funeral, but I wasn't ready to face her. I saw pictures in tabloids—her just standing there alone surrounded by friends of her mother. Even, Bea was in the photos, but still she had no one. I fucking hate myself for being so fucking stubborn that day. She needed me and I never showed up.

My girlfriend, doesn't know I know Sydney. She doesn't know she was my best friend. I'm with her because I'm trying to get over Sydney, but I can't and I couldn't. I wouldn't let myself. I tell myself all the time I fucked up. I shouldn't have left the way I did. I know I hurt her. I hear it in her songs and in her voice. I can hear it when her voice cracks from the tears threatening to leave her eyes. Her mis/understood album became my favorite. And I heard her new album Beckon was coming out soon.

"Babe, you really love Sydney, huh?" My girlfriend, Alex questioned.

"Hmmm...." I responded so transfixed on every words of her lyrics. "Yeah, her lyrics hits me hard."

"I read she's trying to find her soulmate?"

I couldn't help but wonder who her soulmate would be. Why was she looking?

"Did she find her?"

"Nope, every concert she brings up a random girl on her last song and stares into their eyes and sings to her. It would always be the same type of girl. Long blonde hair, dark brown eyes, pretty smile. So, everyone assumes that girl looks like that.... Hey, come to think of it, you should go to the concert. You have exactly what she's looking for." She laughed.

I couldn't help, but wonder if it was true that the girl she picks out of a crowd resembled me. Did she think of me as her best friend soulmate or her one true love soulmate?

"Does she kiss her fans?" I asked curiously.

"On the cheek as a thank you, but no. There's rumors she's dating her best friend, Bea, who's a gorgeous model. They have been spotted a few times."

Of course she'd be dating Bea. I called it. I bet she fell into Bea's arms and it was my fault. Everything was my fault.

"Anyways, heading to work at the shop. Lloyd called me in early. Got an incoming car and they need the extra hands."

"Yeah, okay. I'll head to work too."

After I left Sydney, I went to college and studied music Business management in New York. I had no clue that Sydney would be in the industry years later. I always thought she wanted to do computer stuff. I'm a manager for a few people, but they knew me as Ms. Lane Knight. I never show my face to tabloids or paparazzis afraid that someone will snap a picture and before I know, Sydney would be running to me. It was too risky. I went 4 years hiding. It was hard, but I managed.

I walked into the building and everyone was scattered around like ants. Someone important must be coming.

"What's going on?" I asked the receptionist.

"Sydney and Bea are coming here before she goes off to her concert. She needs to record a song before she forgets, I assume," she answered.

I panicked. Did I hear right? Fuck, what am I going to do? I need to hide. But, it was too late, Sydney and Bea walked in. They were laughing and Bea had her arms over Sydney's shoulders. After, all these years, I still get the jealous feeling. I stood behind the crowd watching. I wanted to sneak away, but I was frozen. She's still a goddess, but her body. Oh my, her abs. She still had the same hairstyle, same edgy look, but her body. I couldn't stop staring. She's still so gorgeous.

Sydney removed her glasses when she entered the building and looked around smiling at everyone. Her perfect dimples shine bright on her face, but like a force of nature, our eyes met and the smile she had on her face turned to a sad frown. She just stood there staring at me. And just like that, tears threaten to leave my face. She found me. She fucking found me. I could have hidden, but maybe I wanted to be found. I wasn't ready to face her. So, I turned around and headed to the elevator. I was pressing the button frantically looking at the numbers count down. As soon as they open, I quickly stepped in and pressed the top floor, but the elevator door didn't completely shut and there she was standing in front of me in all her glory.

The elevator shut closed and made its way to the very top floor. We both didn't say a word. My heart was pounding, my hands were sweating and our eyes never leaving each other. Sydney reached for the stop button of the elevator without taking her eyes off me, then placed one of her hand close to my face against the elevator wall. I was pinned against the wall caught in our moment. My breathing hiked, my tears trying to escaped. She wiped what tears fell and kept her hands on my face, just staring. Then I see her crying. She leaned her forehead on mine and I slightly leaned my head on her hand and closed my eyes. I couldn't hold my tears much longer.

She kissed my forehead, "I finally found you. I've searched everywhere for you," hearing her voice crack.

The only words that could leave my mouth, "I'm sorry."

She pulled me into her chest. My one hand gripping her shirt and the other wrapped around her neck. I couldn't stop my tears from falling. She wrapped both her arms around me and stroked my hair the way I always liked that helped me calm down and whispered, "I missed you so much."

We stood there like that for a little while. She ended up leaning against the wall and me still crying into her shirt. She didn't care. All she cared was that she found me. 4 years later, my aching heart still beats for her.