Our Heart's Desire (gxg) (lesbian)

Chapter 5

LANA

The following morning I woke up to an empty bed. I heard my alarm go off. I don't remember setting my alarm at all last night and I wasn't even in my own dorm room. I shut off my alarm and right on top of my phone was a note. 

Hey babe,
Didn't want to wake you, but I had an early class. I set your alarm for you bcuz I knew you had class at 10.

Also, by the way, I'm sorry for how I acted yesterday.

This brought an overwhelming feeling in my heart. Little things like this makes her a romantic. She won't admit it because she wants to keep to her image. Fuck her image. We aren't in high school anymore, but at the same time. I love her image. I love her look. I love her cockiness. I fucking love her hairstyle.  I love her edgy clothes, her torn jeans, her combat boots. I couldn't careless if she smokes or if she drinks. I know we are only 19 years old, but I love her being so badass and a rule breaker. I love that she lives on the edge.

Who would think a girl like me would fall for a girl like her. People would think I lost my mind, but I didn't care. She sees the real me. Not a lot of people see the real me. They saw the goody goody girl, the leader, the cheerleader, but Sydney saw my fragile side, my anxiety, my depression, my sadness, my heartache, and she was always there. She knows when I'm stressed even if I don't show it. she knows what makes me irk without saying it. She just knew.

I got up and walked over to my dorm.

"Hey, Callie."

"Hey, where were you all night?"

"Oh I slept with Sydney."

"Slept?"

"I mean like slept over in her dorm."

"Oh, everything okay?"

"We had a little fight about something, but we are okay now I think."

"You think?"

"Yeah, we'll Sydney's Sydney. She won't tell me things when she's pissed, even if I'm her best friend. Just how we are."

"Damn, you guys fight like a couple."

I laughed, "Yeah, we get that a lot, but we are best friends. That's all it's going to be."

"You really like her, huh?" Callie blurted.

"I do and she has no clue."

"What about Connor?"

"He's really nice. I might give him a chance. Sydney and I will never happen. As much as I love her, I don't think she feels the same way."

"God, you are blind, you know that?" Callie rolled her eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"Girl, that woman is madly in love with you. I knew the moment she stormed out when she saw you with Connor. How could you not see it?"

"I don't know... She doesn't do relationships."

"Have you ever thought that maybe she hasn't been in a relationship because maybe she freaking waiting on you?"

"No, why would she do that?"

"Omg, you are a lost cause." Callie looked annoyed.

"That babe of yours wants you. She won't admit it because maybe she's afraid to ruin your friendship. Think about it. And maybe freaking maybe you feel the same way. You don't want to ruin the friendship either. You both seem to love each other."

"Oh my god, you're right. I need to talk to her. I need to find her." 

"Yeah you do that...."

I quickly showered and put on my clothes. A sundress and some wedges. I'm only 5'4 and Sydney's 5'8. She doesn't wear heels, but standing next to her, I feel so inferior; so small. I wear these heels to be at least close in height with her when I stand next to her.

I rushed out my dorm and to my class that seemed to drag on and on. When class was finally over, I went to look for Sydney. I looked in the Cantina, I looked in the library, I looked in the courtyard. She wasn't anywhere. So I decided to go to her dorm. I knocked, but there was no reply. I turned the knob and it was unlocked.

I walked in and stood frozen. Half naked Sydney and half naked Bea. They quickly turned in my direction. I'm in shock. They were making out and I couldn't move. I had tears rolling down from my eyes.

"Lana?..." Sydney looked confused and worried all at the same time.

Did she not care about what happened yesterday. Did she not care at all? I found the courage left in me and walked out the door and into my dorm. I locked it and laid in my bed heartbroken. I was so broken. These feelings hurt so much. I just want it to be gone. I want it to disappear. I need to forget about her. I can't be around her anymore because it hurts so much.

"Lana, open up its Syd. Lana, I know you are in there. Please open up so we can talk. Babe, please...."

"She's not here," Callie opened the door. "She took off after she grab some stuff."

"Oh okay. I'll try calling her then. Thanks, Callie."

And just like that our friendship was coming to an end. I couldn't deal with it anymore. I needed to transfer schools or something. I need to disappear from her life and her from mine. It hurts every time I see her with someone else. It hurts when I'm not the one she's touching. It hurts that I'm not the one she's loving.

I packed up my things and just like that I was gone. I shut off my phone, and headed to the train station. I decided I was going to live with my Dad in New York. I couldn't be in Florida with her anymore. I needed a fresh start; one where she wasn't part of my life. One where the hurt in my heart will finally heal. I love her so much, but sometimes love isn't enough and I understood that now.