Our Heart's Desire (gxg) (lesbian)

Chapter 8

SYDNEY

Over the heads of the crowded room, I knew it was her. I knew it was Lana; my Lana. Something told me to turn in that direction. I saw her quickly turn towards the elevators. I whispered into Bea's ear and smoothly walked away trying not to draw anyone's attention. I stopped the elevator from closing and rushed in. There she was as beautiful as ever. Her long blonde hair parted to the side, her dark brown almond shaped eyes staring right at me. Her perfect shaped lips she bit between her teeth anxious of what will happen next.

We just stared longingly at each other. All the years we were separated; all the years we were apart, all our feelings we both tried to bury—they all came to the surface. Tears were flowing from both of us and all I could do was hold her tight; hold her close. I leaned against the elevator wall and she leaned her weight on me. She cried into my shirt. I stroke her hair like I always did to calm her down. We didn't say much. We just savored the moment as if it were the last time we would see each other; only tomorrow will tell what it had planned for us. We didn't let go.

I lightly kissed her forehead, then raised her face to look at me. My light brown eyes staring into her dark brown orbs. The most precious person in my life was in my arms again and this time I'm hoping that I won't be letting go. I leaned in then stopped for a moment to see if she was going to pull away. She didn't resist, she stayed and so I moved in closer. Our lips just an inch away from each other. I looked at her eyes then to her lips and before I could react, she pulled my shirt and we kissed. Our first kiss; our first real kiss. I didn't care if we were in an elevator shaft. I cared that I was with her. 9 years later, my heart still beats the same drum for her. Our hearts desire was for each other. It was always just for us.

We got carried away in our kiss. We didn't fight for who took dominance of the kiss. We were fighting our hearts. All these years, we fought the feelings. I kissed her with all that I can give her. The passion filling up in our veins. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I spun her around and pinned her against the wall. I held on to her tightly. Our tongues danced; our lips quiver with all the sensation and before I knew it, she broke the kiss. Her hands now resting on my chest and she looks down to the ground our foreheads attached.

"Sydney, I have a girlfriend."

My heart broke hearing that; it shattered. The tears fell from my eyes once again and I knew I had to let her go. "I'm too late." I pressed the stop button and the next floor up. Then walked out.

"Syd, wait." She called.

"I'm too late, Lan. That's the last thing I'd do is get in the way of your happiness. I took a vow that if you were married or in a relationship with someone; I vowed to myself, I'll let you go. I couldn't find you and now I'm too late. Just know that I've been in love with you since we were 14 years old. You were the only one I've ever loved in those years and until now, I still love you."

The elevator closed with her in it. I really fucking lost her. I slid my back against the wall my head cupped in my arms. I stayed like that for a few minutes. I pulled myself together, wiped my tears, got up and walked down the stairs  to go unnoticed and walked out the back exit. I texted Bea letting her know I was in the back. Within minutes she pulled up and I got in and sat there quietly.

"What happen, Sydney?"

"She has a girlfriend."

"Did she say anything? No... I mean, I walked away before I heard her explain anything. I love her, B, and when you love someone so much, sometimes you just have to let them go. I have to move on just like how she moved on without me. I can't be stuck in this limbo.

"What happened to fighting for her?"

"I can't fight if the one I'm fighting for isn't willing to fight back. I just don't have it in me anymore." I took a big sigh and stared out the window.

I reached for my phone in my back pocket and unlocked it. I see the picture of us. I run my thumb across her face and on her lips. The lips I just kissed not too long ago. The kiss that brought heaven back into my life and also the one that took it away in a second. I will never forget her. She will forever be my heart.

"We're here!" Bea informed me.

We reached the stadium. My last performance in New York before I headed back to Los Angeles. I grabbed my things and got out of the car and went straight to my trailer. Becca was already waiting for me. She was already telling me the schedule for the day, but I wasn't listening. Bea walked in after and sat on the couch and fiddled with her phone. I sat down with my make-up artist and hairstylist prepping for my performance. I had no one to talk about my feelings. These people don't know me and Lana's history. I just keep it to myself.

I couldn't wait to leave New York. It was too depressing to be here; to know that she lived her and never once reached out for me. It hurt feeling I wasn't worth caring for and that when I needed her the most she wasn't there. It hurt knowing my heart won't be able to love anyone else, but her.

But, here I was about to perform to a sold out stadium as if nothing in my life was hopeless. Im going to be on stage pretending like I wasn't broken. My life was full of sorrow and the one who really knew how I felt, wasn't there anymore. I kept it all inside me. No matter how much they asked me to open up, I wouldn't. I couldn't. I don't want to show weakness to anyone because the only one I ever showed my weakness to broke my heart.