Unfair | Cindy Berman

ᴠ: ᴄᴀssɪᴇ ᴅᴜᴋᴇ

TRIGGER WARNING: DRUG ABUSE

Color War starts in two days, which means we're getting even more work to do. I've been supervising the kids, teaching some stuff. Ziggy like always, is getting into trouble, I know she doesn't like it here but I wish she would be more careful because if she gets kicked out, Cindy does too and I know how much Cindy needs to be here.

Cindy has told me about everything she wants, we shared a lot of stuff to each other. Even the deep stuff, I shared a lot of stuff with her that only she knows, about my father, my mother, my sister, but there's this thing that I've never told about her. My life has been really complicated, so if I tell you this, you need to know the rest.

I was born in Shadyside, of course. My mother, Aurora and my father, Clint, got married here at Shadyside when they were both nineteen, they met at the Shadyside High, she was a cheerleader and he was a jock, a typical cliché love story right? Right after they got married my mom got pregnant, it was a girl. They named her Maya, my older sister, I don't remember much from her, because my childhood memories are all blur, but I can still remember the fact that she always wore tiny little bows in her hair.

Maya was friends with Ruby Lane, from what I know they were from the same class at highschool. In 1965, when Maya was sixteen, she went to a party at Ruby's house, and you probably know already what happened. Ruby murdered my sister in cold blood, as she sang "You always hurt the ones you love". I was five when it happened, one thing I can remember was that it was so weird for me when she died, because I would sleep beside her sometimes at night, because I was scared of my imaginary monsters on my closet.

My sister's death caused the downfall of my parents. My mom started drinking, and my father went into a deep depression, after her death I don't remember receiving any kind of affection from my mom, and my dad well....He tried so hard. Two years after her death my father divorced my mother, and short time after, he commited suicide. His death had caused a lot of affect on me, because he was the only one that was there, and I had to stay with my mom after.

She was a broken woman, that couldn't deal with life so she would pour all of misery and anger on two things, alcohol and me. She blamed me a lot of times for my sister's and father's death, and for some time I actually believed her. But after puberty came I realized how of a shit person she was, and I was going to do everything to not become like her.

As soon as I hit fifteen I started going to some random parties, no one really knew me and my mom didn't care so I thought, why not? I discovered the majestic feeling of being high, at first it was just weed. I would smoke almost everyday when I came home from school, I didn't want my friends to know so I was careful. I bought weed from Alice or Arnie, get high and feel what I always was looking for.

But weed wasn't enough, I needed more. So I started going for the hard drugs, like coke, dex or even heroine. Alice thought I only did the hardcore drugs when I went to parties, so no one ever really thought I was an addict...Addict. It took me a lot of time to consider myself an addict, I denied it to myself everytime I would pop a pill, or put a needle on my veins. But as soon as the side effects started kicking in, I knew it was time.

I saw myself distance myself from my friends, even from Cindy because of drugs. The only thing I could think about was those majestic hours that the drugs could give, they would give me a less realistic reality, they would give me anything to distance myself from life so I went for it. And then it hit me...

I was just like my mom. I was distancing myself from everyone to an addiction, I was pouring all of my problems into drugs, just like my mom does with alcohol. I spent so much time hating her that I became like her. I would do anything to not become like her, but it ended differently, so I changed that. I went to an anonymous addicts group, stopped taking anything, I relapsed sometimes, but I did it. I've been clean for a whole year, and I couldn't be prouder.

But life is unfair. After I got clean, my life was still shitty. So, I got over it, I would live that way for the rest of my life and that's it, I can't change it. Cindy was the only relief I had, I could say that she was like the drugs, but it's totally different, It's way better. I could feel it was real, with drugs I knew it was fake, but with Cindy, it was a real feeling, the feeling of hope.

I could feel it in my bones, I finally could have a chance in life. Everything could get better right?

No, because she left.

Life is unfair, it takes the best things you have and it leaves you to rot.

I'm going to spend the rest of my life here, with nothing but the ghost of my favourite people.

My sister.

My dad.

And Cindy.

Well, at least Cindy is not dead, so I guess that makes things a little better. I still get a chance to see her shining from afar, and smile as she walks successfully through life, while I sit on my future porch, drinking beer after a rough night shift at the supermarket. Or probably even dead, because someone just killed me after the curse of Sarah Fier strikes again...