Dragonflies

CHAPTER 4

Soul mates don't exist. It's just a beautiful notion that gives people something to look forward to. It encourages us to have faith in love. To have hope in desperate times, that somebody out there is looking for you as hard as you are looking for them. Except this, everything is just a lie. But everyone is so caught up with the idea of having a soul mate that whenever the heart goes weird and crazy around someone, they end up deciding he/she is the one. And sometimes they might actually be "the one". Not because it is destined to be, or they are really the so called 'soul mate', but that they bring out the life in you like nobody ever has and show you that you can be happier than you ever were. When that happens, hold on to them. It doesn't matter if it's a forever or not, but it's worth everything while it lasts.

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It had been quite a few days after our sweet adventure. Aylan was successful in his task of taking me home safely. Luckily, the rain was in our favor too. No matter how fine I looked from the outside, the damage was done. I now, had a heart that beats for two different guys who were like night and day.

This wasn't part of the plan. The plan was to mold me stronger to face the upcoming break up and to do all the crazy stuffs with Aylan. See the unseen colors of life. Finally, when I feel satisfied enough, give in for a marriage that my family would arrange. And from there, get dragged along to wherever the life would take me.

...........................

I still couldn't understand how something this complex could happen. For me, love has always been the simplest feeling. 'You meet someone, you fall in love, you live a happily ever after'. Like what they have in movies and books.

'One of this has to be not true', I told myself.

But it felt so overwhelmingly real. I had to tell someone. In fact, I had to tell two people the most. I had to tell my boyfriend that I betrayed him. That I couldn't keep the promise of loving no one else, but him. That I couldn't even wait till we break up. 'He is going to hate me.' I mourned.

And I had to tell Aylan that I was miserable enough to fall for him when I was already in love.

'Aylan wouldn't want me. He doesn't want anybody in his life.' Of that, I was damn sure!

'Maybe this is all happening in my head. Maybe I don't have feelings for Aylan.' I tried to convince myself.

Whatever or however I tried to put it like, I was positive that I have fallen in love. The only thing bothering me was that if this one is true, then what was the other one about?

'Was it just an infatuation back then, that I took for love? Or is it now?', my mind raised an eyebrow at me. But I couldn't agree with that.

Somehow, I was sure that I was in love both times. But in different ways. 'I can't lose neither.', my heart ached. I was selfish.

'Telling him is not an option. He would never understand. But maybe Aylan can. So, what if I fell for him. I am not asking him to love me back. I must tell Aylan. Maybe he can tell me that this isn't love.' I let out a sigh.

.........................

"Did I tell you that I had a great time with you?" Aylan asked me over the phone.

"It wouldn't kill me to hear it once more." I chuckled.

"But it would kill me to tell it once more." I could picture the grin on his face.

"That was my first kiss.", he said

.

"That was my first kiss, with you.", for some reason I felt embarrassed. I didn't want him to think that I run around and kiss every other guy I meet.