Dragonflies

CHAPTER 7

You can love someone to the moon and stars. Or even beyond. But the limit is your happiness. When someone keeps you happy, you may fall in for the idea that he or she loves you dearly. And often, you fall for those who gives you the happiness that you feel, you deserve. Or for those whom you think you'd be happy with. Once you get too used to the comfort and joy that they surround you with, you may start wanting more. But when you don't get 'the more' you had wished for, you'd start doubting their love for you. You'll start getting suffocated in their arms. That's when you start looking for gaps to slip out of it. But since the love has rooted so deeply into your heart, it becomes nearly impossible to push them away. You'll be stuck between the two walls of letting go and holding on. And as they close in on you, the space around you shrinks and you'd start trying deliberately to live on the limited air you have. Eventually when it becomes insufficient, you get choked and starts pushing against the walls until one of them gets collapsed.

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I was woken by the soft warm breaths behind my ear. I carefully turned over to find Aylan, fast asleep. It was still dark outside. His chest was rising and falling in a smooth rhythm. He looked so peaceful. Like a newborn child. It was tempting to run my fingers through his hair and to plant a soft kiss on his forehead. But I kept still, not wanting to wake him up. Several minutes passed, as I laid there looking at this beautiful creature lying next to me.

By the time I got up and brushed my teeth, Aylan was up. I was still in his T-shirt and boxer. His gaze was following me as I walked around the room.

"It suits you." He complimented.

"I am planning to keep them." I said. I walked towards the bed and sat on top of him. He held my waist and leaned in for a kiss.

"You haven't brushed." I pointed out.

"Do you mind?" He tilted his head.

"Nope." I smiled.

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By 8 in the morning, we left the place. I packed up my stuff and was back on Aylan's bike. Whenever I went out with Aylan, it always felt that it's three of us.

Me, him, and his bike.

We headed back to the beach we went last night. It was crowded at that time of the day. Both kids and adults were equally engaged in sports. Some were playing volleyball and others, football. A few were simply waking along the shore. Some were jogging.

There were couples, singles and groups.

We sat at a less noisy spot. Both of us were quiet.

"Can we just walk for a few minutes?" I asked.

"Okay." He said.

A soft breeze came from the waves. As we walked, a few couples walked past us. They were holding hands. Some men held their women securely under their shoulders. Some were joking and laughing out loud. And some brushed their bodies together as they walked.

Here was us, me and Aylan, strolling around like two strangers. I wanted him to put his hand over my shoulder. Wrap me in his arms. Hold my hand. But I knew Aylan very well for that. It's not his cup of tea. 'So, what he doesn't make a move? I can.'

I moved closer to him and held his hand. He stopped and looked at me for a second or two but didn't say anything. After a few steps I could feel his muscles tensing up.

"You don't like it, do you?" I withdrew my hand.

"I just don't feel so comfortable doing stuff like this." He said without looking at me.