Lavender and Vanilla {Itafushi}

Part Three: Rock Bottom

⚠️ Trigger Warning ⚠️
*Self harm/panic attack*

Fushiguro's POV

"I thought you told me you stopped doing this, Megumi.." I heard Gojo utter with a sigh, as he sat next to me in my bed. Shoko was in the room with us as well, currently wrapping up my arm with gauze.

"I did.. But I've just.. I haven't been myself lately.." I was glad the cuts were now hidden by the bandages, I only felt guilty looking at them.

Gojo frowned, wrapping his arm around me. "Are you.. still upset about what happened with Yuji..?"

"Of course I'm still upset!!" I snapped, yanking my arm out of Shoko's grasp and putting both hands up a bit for emphasis.

"Megumi, honey, hold still, please.." The tired-looking brunette begged, and I finally lowered my arm once again, sitting in silence and allowing her to finish wrapping it up in the soft cotton material. I pulled down my sleeve to cover up the bandages.

Shoko closed up her medkit, standing up now, "If you ever need me, you know where I am." She gave me a faint smile, ruffling the messy hair atop my head before leaving my room, making sure to close the door behind her.

The room was once again filled with silence.

"I can't fucking sleep at night, Gojo.." I finally whimpered, shaking my head. "The same damn thing keeps replaying in my nightmares."

"I think you should talk to him, Megumi.. tell him how you're-"

"No! I don't want to be around him, I don't want to think about him, hear him, I don't want to ever see him again! He's ruining me!" I lowered my head, feeling my eyes sting with tears, which I quickly wiped away with my sleeve on my good arm.

"If he had just died and stayed dead, maybe it would be a little easier to mourn, but having to see his damn face every single day is killing me! Every time I see him, I have to relive that day over and over and over again!!" Tears streamed down my face as I moved my hands to tangle into my hair, tugging at it in frustration.

"Everything was my fault, dammit! Can't you see?! " I hadn't even noticed I was hyperventilating until Gojo made me face him directly, holding onto my shoulders.

"Breathe, Megumi.. Breathe."

Gasping for air, I did as he told me, hands trembling as I released the fistfuls of my hair I was gripping.

My nightmares had felt all too real, probably because they were, vivid memories of the reform school incident. And recently, I'd began having nightmares of Yuji's execution. All of it was driving me mad.

I turned to self-harm in order to cope, a bad habit I had first developed when Tsumiki became cursed. I wasn't proud of it, of course, but it was the only thing I knew for a fact helped me relieve stress.

A good twenty minutes had passed by the time I had finally calmed down.

"Do you need me to stay with you today?" He asked, and I could tell the offer was genuine, that he would willingly give up a day of teaching his students just to be here, focused on my wellbeing instead.

I shook my head, sniffling. "No, I'll be fine.. Im probably just going to lay down, maybe take a nap.. I don't think I'll be able to attend workouts today though, sorry."

"Don't worry about that. You have a perfect attendance anyway.. And after something like this, I'd say you deserve the day to rest.." he rubbed my shoulder a bit to console me.

Before anything else could be said between the two of us, the alarm on Gojo's wristwatch went off. He looked down at it and durned the beeping off, glancing back up at me. "Well.. I have to go meet up with the others.. Are you sure you'll be ok?"

I rubbed my puffy eyes, nodding softly in response. "Y-Yeah.. I'll text you if I need anything."

"Ok. I'll be back in a couple hours, please try and rest.."

I nodded once again, watching him get up and leave the room.

With a shaky sigh, I finally laid down on my side, covering myself up with the blanket.

Who am I kidding? I'm pathetic..

The more I thought over everything, the more emotional I became. I couldn't help but cry softly, knowing no one was around to hear me anyway, I could let loose a little bit..

"Fushiguro?" The voice caught me off guard, as I covered my mouth to muffle anymore cries.

After a moment, I regained enough composure to reply. "I-Itadori, what the hell are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at the field right now?"

"Yeah, but I just came to check up on you.. Can I come in?"

Panic shot through my veins as I sat up. "N-No!" Shit.. I didn't mean to sound so scared, but in reality, I was. I was scared of being around Yuji. "I-I mean.. I'd prefer if you didn't. I really need to just be alone right now.."

There was a quiet pause before he spoke up again, "Is there.. anything I can do to help?"

Seriously? I just told him to leave me alone, why was he trying to help me? The last thing I needed was his help...

"Well, you can start by leaving me alone like I just told you to." I didn't realize how harsh my tone was, but to be honest, I didn't really care either.

It seemed to shut him up at least..

Relieved, I finally laid back down, curling up on my side.

I felt so cold. I felt lonely.

With my hands, I weakly formed the sign for my shikigami. "Demon dog.." I murmured, and in an instant, the large black mutt manifested. His appearance was much more of a wolf's than of a dog's, there was no denying in that. But personality wise, when not in combat, he acted just like a dog.

"C'mere, boy.." I sighed, holding my arms out.

The dog wasted no time curling up next to me, laying in my arms. He made me feel much more safe when I slept, I knew he would guard me. He could sense my pain, my anguish, he knew I was upset.

And to be perfectly honest, he was rather nice to snuggle with too..