Out of Time (Loki x Reader)

Chapter 43: Christmas

As Loki's eyes fluttered open to the blinding light of the snow outside. He sat leaned up against the window of the medical ward. He stretched his back before landing his gaze to her. Still not awake, he closed his eyes for a moment, taking in the gravity of his sadness.

He devastatingly walked over to her side and sighed deeply. He caressed her cheek once more as he had the night before.

"Merry Christmas, Darling." He sighed and dropped his hand to his side.

He grew more sad with the silence, he slowly closed his eyes and with a sigh he whispered softly.

"Loving you is destroying me." He said softly. He furrowed his brows before continuing.

"I crumble at the mention of you, and-." He said again, this time cracks overwhelming his voice.

"Y/n, this hurts." He whispered.

He was vulnerable.

Just as he got control of his emotions Tony walks in, stopping in the doorway and sadly looking over to him. Loki looked up and shook his head.

"Come on Loki, I want to show you something." Tony said. With that he stood and Bruce walked in to watch over her.

Tony walks Loki through the compound before stopping at his room door.

"What are we doing?" Loki looked at him before Tony opened the door. Inside Loki looked around, his room had been rearranged and now there was a hospital bed, IV bags, medical supplies and more, next to his own bed.

"What's going on?" Loki asked Tony.

"You need sleep, actual sleep. So Steve and Natasha helped move her stuff in here. We know you can keep a good eye on her." He paused as Loki entered and tranced his finger on the hospital beds sheets.

"She's going to pull through." Tony finally said before Thor, Steve and the others all entered the room, Thor carried y/n in while Banner helped hook her back up the the fluids.

"She should have everything she needs in here, Thor and I are right across the hall if something ever happens." Bruce announced while tucking y/n under the sheets.

"I don't know what to say- I've never...I, I don't know-" Loki stutters.

"We know how much you care for her." Thor calmly said.

"You are apart of this team, you are one of us, we care for our own." Natasha spilled. Tony, Steve and Thor all nodded and agreed.

"Thank you." Loki finally said. Relieved that Natasha understood.

"Mr. Loki?" Peter asked from the back of the crowd. Loki looked around for the small teenager while he moved pasted the others.

"I was wondering if you could help me with my algebra homework...school is starting soon and-"

"Loki doesn't know mathematics, us Asgardians, we were never taught." Thor laughed from the crowd, no one laughed along.

"What are you talking about?" Loki looked to Thor puzzled.

"Yes, I will help you." He continued. Thor looked at Loki who smiled down at the ground at Thor's comment.

"You don't know math?" Loki teased Thor.

"Who needs mathematical equations when you're saving the world?" Thor asked, genuinely concerned with his lack of education.

"Mother taught me frequently." Loki smiled at the memory, while others scurried out of the room, "but...wha-" Thor went to protest but the stopped and walked out of the room. Leaving Peter and Loki.

Loki and Peter spent hours on the homework, making sure Peter understood each and every detail of his homework. Peter was relieved, he genuinely learned something.

After awhile it was quiet again. Lokis gaze following from the window, to her and then back to the window.

"I miss her." Peter said softly. Loki looked over to her, sleeping silently and nodded in agreement.

"I do too." Loki cleared his throat and Peter looked to him.

"What does it feel like?" Peter questioned. Loki looked to him and cocked an eyebrow.

"What does what feel like?" Loki asked for clarification. Peter shook his head while he looked to the floor.

"Loving someone that much?" Loki was taken back by his question.

"Love?" Loki asked, he didn't know it was so obvious. Peter nodded, almost envious.

"Love- love feels like a garden of the most beautiful Asgardian blossoms. Love makes you angry, irritated, sometimes vengeful, but there is nobody in the nine realms I'd rather dance with in the gardens, no one I'd rather have understand me," he paused and smiled at the memories that flashed in his mind.

"No one can satisfy me like she can." Loki said while staring to y/n on the hospital bed.

"How does it feel now that she's gone?" Peter asked cautiously. Loki didn't respond for a moment. Then looked to his feet.

"Not being able to hear her laugh, loving her while she can't love me back," he paused, laughed sadly and shook his head.

"It's frustrating, the most devastating feeling someone could feel." Loki's breath was shallow and he shook his head at his words again.

"Why do you ask?" Loki asked while turning to see peters face glimmer with a smile.

"So many people believed you weren't capable of love." Loki laughed and looked up to stare at his love.

"She is the living, breathing proof." Loki stated. Peter then smiled between the two of you.

"My love for her won't die, even after death." Loki whispered softly.

"I want to love someone like that." Peter finally said. Loki unintentionally looked over to Peter, who gave him a warm smile.

"You two are very lucky to have such things Mr. Loki." He slowly got up and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Leaving Loki by himself, in his thoughts.

"We are, arent we..." he smiled.

It was moments like this where Loki could completely fall apart. His heart was full, but yet empty. He felt guilty for having a feeling of comfort.

He sighed and stood up to walk to the edge of her bed side. Unsure of the feeling he had felt, he merely stood there.

After a moment longer he angrily ran his arm over the side table, tossing the belongings to the floor. The glass vase that held the single white rose fell with it. Unaware of his action, he bent down and began cleaning up the glass. He quickly picked at the shard of glass on the floor before a piece slashed the palm of his hand causing blood to disperse.

"Damn it." He held his injured hand in his other and sat down on the floor. He stared down at the blood in his hand, he almost liked it. Only for him to shake off any unwanted thoughts a moment later.

Pain was the only escape, it felt like. Physical pain distracted him from the emotional pain he felt.

The grief he felt.

But he refused to go down that path. No matter how badly he needed a distraction.

Y/n would be so disappointed.

And he refused to make her disappointed, anymore than he already had.

———
A/n: though this chapter is slightly sad and kind of boring if I don't say so myself, I hope you all are enjoying so far and the next chapter will be up in a few days!

I'm timing them to match up with current time, so I hope some may find it as if they are 'living through' this story, I hope that makes sense lol

Anyways!! Happy holidays! And a Merry Christmas to those who celebrate!

Love you all❤️