obi-wan imagines

deception

Context: This takes place during the Clone Wars, when Obi goes undercover as Rako Hardeen. For reference, watch Season 4, Episode 15-18 of Clone Wars.

Themes: angst, grief, canon-typical fighting, lots of fluff at the end

Word Count: 2534

Warnings: mature language, per usual
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Damn it. I silently cursed.

Not only did the sniper get away, but I had abandoned Obi after he got shot off of the roof. I trusted Ahsoka with my life -- and Obi's -- but I something about this mission didn't feel right. To me, the Force felt suffocating and rigid, almost like it was anxious. Anakin and I sprinted back to the alley as fast as we could. I usually loved the adrenaline that came with running, but in this case, the pounding of my heart sent waves of panic through my veins.

"How is he?" Anakin breathed, out of breath from the chase.

I watched in silence as Ahsoka held Obi's head in her lap. My heart dropped. She hadn't said anything yet, but I already knew what was coming. The Padawan looked up with tears in her eyes, and Anakin immediately dropped to his knees.

"Obi-Wan!" he shouted feverishly, the fear in his tone escalating. "Obi-Wan!"

I didn't hear anything after that. Obi was the one with the blast shot in his chest, and I felt like I was being ripped in two. Suddenly, I was on the ground with tears pouring from my eyes. I couldn't see anything; Not the police transports arriving, not the droids carrying my best friend's body back to the temple, not even Ahsoka as she tried to comfort me. I was numb.

I don't think I fully processed a thing until I was standing in the dimly light room where Obi's funeral was being held. The hood of my robe was pulled as far down on my face as possible. Jedi were expected to conceal their emotions, not sob quietly during a funeral, which is exactly what I was doing.

"I'm worried about them," Ahsoka indiscreetly whispered to Master Plo Koon beside me. "Neither of them have said a word since it happened."

Koon just gazed at the body draped in tan cloth, pondering what Ahsoka has said. He, along with the other Jedi in the room, could feel the swirling emotions surrounding Anakin and I. While my emotions were based in sadness, Anakin felt the kind of anger that could burn entire cities. He was dangerous right now, and everyone knew it. So just as they walked eggshells around me, the others avoiding mentioning Obi's death around Anakin, in fear that he would do something that he would later regret.

I expected to feel completely empty. I expected to loose myself in his passing, never fully recovering. But I was surprised to not feel much of a difference in the Force. Emotionally, I was destroyed. There was no one I trusted more than Obi, and now he was gone. But there was something lingering in the Force. It was faint, but for a moment I almost felt that Obi still existed in this realm.

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Putting Rako Hardeen in jail wasn't as satisfying as I had hoped. The hatred I felt toward Obi's murder was ever-present, and now that he had escape my anger only grew with every passing day. But him being locked up at one point didn't change the fact that I layed in bed every night, wishing Obi was sleeping peacefully next to me.

We had that kind of friendship when he was alive. Several times the Council had questioned our involvement, but the truth was we had just been close since we were young Padawans. At least that's what I told myself. Over the years, my feelings for the handsome Jedi had grown into something the Code frowned upon: Attachment.