Use Me Like A Drug

A Moment Of Bliss And Complete And Utter Ignorance

  The building stood tall, towering high compared to the grass surrounding it. It was a one story building and you were sure that the windows were one kick away from smashing. The concrete of the main floor was cracked and covered in gravel from god knows where and the walls were in a similar condition.

  There were desks and chairs piled in a methodical way to create almost a giant maze in the building. The roof was still very much intact and it protected you from the grey sky that still lingered over the area.

They all walked in comfortably, unfazed by the thin sheet of dust that hung in the air. They all seemed to know exactly where the old frayed cords lay on the ground, and could dodge them with no effort whilst you were barely able to look up from your feet.

  The ceiling was made of a disgusting brown popcorn-ceiling like material that was glazed over with some sort of shiny coating that added to the displeasing sight. It looked like shiny mud, seeping from the roof.

  You pressed your lips out in a pout as you felt uncomfortable poking and prodding at your calves. You looked down to see your legs covered in burrs from the tall weeds that surrounded the building. You gently picked at the burrs, picking them out of the fabric of your tights and flicking them to the floor, hoping to stop the prodding at your legs.

  "So what do you guys even do here?" You asked, seeing them congregate in the middle area. It was the only clean part of the abandoned warehouse and something told you that it was their doing.

  "We just kinda hang out," Taehyun shrugged, laying on the dusty floor, spreading his arms out with a sigh of relief.

  "If I'd known I was signing up for nap time I would've brought a blanket," you commented as you laid back, crossing your ankles.

  "You seem too open to napping in a dirty warehouse in the middle of nowhere," Yeonjun mentioned, sitting down and crossing his legs.

  "I like to think it's revealing about my character," you shrugged, raising your arms to rest underneath your head to provide an attempt at cushioning.

  There was a silence in order to allow those words to sink in. There was a silent acknowledgment, but there were no words to follow. There was an understanding, but no words to try to belittle what you'd just confessed and no words that demeaned your experience. Just an accepting silence as those who were not already sitting shifted to do so.

  "What kind of things have you been doing lately," you asked, ending the silence that the group had fallen into.

  This led to a silence of hesitance. Your eyes were closed and you didn't look at any of them. You simply moved your arm to cover your eyes before the others could place judgement in them.

  "I've been singing a lot," Beomgyu confessed, squeezing his ankles to relieve some of the nervousness he felt at his confession.

  "Really?" You asked curiously, letting him know that you were still listening.

  "I've started doing Instagram Lives where I sing. I've had a lot of fun," he said. You could hear the smile tugging at his lips as he explained his activities as of late.

  "If it's okay with you, I'd like to hear one some time," you told him, lifting your arm from your eyes to offer him a smile of sincerity. "You have a nice, calming voice," you confessed to him.

  The smile that was already playing at the corners of his lips pulled upward even more into a habitual smile as he looked at you with nothing but pure gratitude.

  "Anyone else?" You asked, looking to the other four. HueningKai had already spoken of his current endeavours, so you only gave him a passing glance as you looked to Yeonjun who shook his head with a tight lipped grimace.

  "I've been skateboarding," Taehyun mentioned, raising his hand slightly.

  "Really?" You asked, sitting up fully.

  He responded with a simple nod. You gave him a nod in return, as if to tell him to say more about it.

  "I haven't done much. I'm not too good, but I can do some stuff," he shrugged, his eyes downcast.

  "That sounds really cool," you told him. "Maybe you could show me one day. When you're ready, that is," you finished, giving him a choice.

  "Sure," he replied with a friendly smile and a nod.

  "What about you Soobin? Anything interesting?" You asked, looking to him and attempting to give him your full attention, or at least as much of it as you could.

  "Nothing but the usual. Just working myself to the bone," he sighed dramatically, falling back in a theatrical way.

  "A single mom who works too hard," Yeonjun murmured, allowing the group to have a brief moment of laughter.

  It may have taken you a while to realize, but you finally understood why the boys felt such solace in this place. Whilst it was dirty and musty and unkempt in more ways than one, it offered a comforting silence in a way that other places just couldn't. The stiff nature of the concrete hard enough to keep you from drifting away into your thoughts or dreams, but it was soft enough to be comfortable, at least for a brief amount of time. The vastness of the warehouse allowed your voices to echo, creating a feeling of being alone, but whilst you could feel alone, the echoing of others voices were there to comfort you in times when you felt you were alone. It was big, but it wasn't so big that you couldn't see the end to it. It wasn't overwhelmingly big. It wasn't so small that it made you feel claustrophobic.

  The gravel that poked at your back, shoulders, arms, and legs was what allowed you to stay lucid, keeping your senses stimulated. There was a musty smell that hung in the air, a combination of damp surfaces and the dust from gravel. The kind of dust that would hang in the air when you dug around the gravel in the playgrounds in elementary school. It wasn't necessarily a good smell, but it was one that carried an air of nostalgia. The calm sound of the plants bouncing off one another in the warm wind was enough background noise to fill the silence. The windows that rest high on the building allowed a beautiful view of the sky as the sun sank towards the horizon, falling slowly out of view and leaving a myriad of colours in its wake.

  Every now and then, you could hear some gravel scratching on the pavement or falling from nowhere. Taehyun and Soobin told you that it was probably just some of the broken concrete walls, moving with time. Yeonjun and Beomgyu tried to convince you that it was some homeless man who had lived there his entire life, a man who wished not to be seen, but couldn't help being heard. HueningKai simply stated that he believed it was some sort of gravel throwing warehouse ghost who simply wanted to join in on the fun and in the interest of evenly splitting the votes, you sided with HueningKai.

  He discussed his theory of a worker tragically passing away at the factory, only for it to become haunted, hence its current abandoned nature. He suggested that ever since then, the ghost had lived amongst the property, scattering gravel around the place in an attempt to be acknowledged and recognized. The other four countered with many facts that completely disproved this theory, but despite them, you decided it sounded fairly solid.

  The most heartbreaking moment was when you had to go home once again. What you could only describe as despair coursed through your chest as you squished into the back next to Beomgyu, having surrendered your dibs to Taehyun.

  The moments that you took with the boys were moments you would treasure whenever you went home and were once again bombarded with endless responsibilities and burdens. They were the moments you daydreamed about, drifting off into a state of unconsciousness that allowed you to not only reflect on the moments you spent with them, but also allowed you to think about possible future moments you could spend with them, forgetting about the miserable reality you existed in. It was a moment of bliss.

  A moment of bliss and complete and utter ignorance.