School, Prejudice and Survival

Chapter 5, Part 1

Chapter 5: Uncalled-for Paranoia

Screams ring in my ears, and my throat suddenly goes dry. Of course. I slowly open my eyes and squint against the gentle autumn sunlight that glides through the gap in the blinds covering our attic-level view. Things immediatly slip from my mind and I remember nothing about my dream. Maybe it's better that way...

Warm arms go around me from the side, and my sisters small body slips under my blanket. She doesn't say anything, she just points to the watch I keep on the floor by my makeshift bed and settles down into my pillow. I follow where she is pointing with my eyes, and after some squinting I see how early it is. I guess the sun is still set to summer here in England.                                                                                I debate silently whether I should shower, but then decide against it. I vaguely recall having an ice-cold bath last night, anyway. When I think back to last night, I can't decide whether to cry or smile.

Not long after my friends sat in the waiting room with me, a nurse came through and silently nodded to me. I stood up and walked to where she was pointing, through some doors and into a small room. I don't remember much about the room, I just remember seeing my friend sitting on a small bed in the center.                                                                                                                                                                                           Matt had been fine, mostly. His arm was bandaged in a cast and he was told not to go to school for a few days. Yeah, I had scoffed under my breath. Like home was any safer for him. Still, he seemed happy. He had wrapped his arm around my shoulders, telling me he was fine and that I wasn't to worry, and I think he was persuasive enough to make me believe him. I know him more than anyone, and I couldn't see a hint of pain or fear in him. He had looked past what had happened and focused on the positives. And it had made me feel better.

Slowly, so as not to disturb her, I settle back down in my bed next to Scarlett's sleeping form. She still has her arms around my shoulders, which doesn't surprise me. I practically screamed the house down when I woke up. My eyes snap open again when I remember how I had woken up. Did I often scream in my sleep? I must do, otherwise Scarlett would have asked questions.                                                                I look into her sleeping face; void of fear and full of innocence. I feel on the floor behind me, and push the corner of my dream journal further under my this mattress. She can never find it. It would ruin her. I would never forgive myself...

Time goes too quickly, and I eventually hear the familiar trill of my phone telling me to get back to reality. I squeeze my sister into a tight hug, then roll away from her- stumbling as I go. I hear her giggle slightly behind me, but I ignore it.                                                                                                                                             I automatically grab my half-empty bottle of dry shampoo and make my way to the cracked mirror that hangs next to Scarlett's mattress. The sweet smell of berries makes its way into my nose and I spray it at the roots of my hair, turning it from auburn to white. Maybe I should leave it that way. It would be a conversation starter, that's for sure. I bite back a laugh that emits from my own strange ideas, and begin to brush my hair through.                                                                                                                         Scarlett easily hauls herself up from the floor; she makes her way over to me sleepily and stands behind me in the mirror.

"I don't know why you bother." She mumbles, watching my all-too-practised attempt to disperse the blank whiteness throughout my long, wavy hair. "Your hair was clean anyway."                                       Rolling my eyes at her unnecessary comment, I reply simply (with a smile): "You know why."                      My sister has had this conversation with me many times, yet anyone who knows me well enough will know that unclean hair is my biggest pet peeve. With my paleness and my awkwardness, my hair is my biggest statement. The colour is bold, and I can't help but love how it stands out in my image. Without a doubt, I believe that if I didn't have this hair then I wouldn't be half as confident as I am nowadays. Around my friends I am outgoing, chatty and just plain strange. And that's the way I like it. People love me for me, and that is all I could ever ask out of life.

Within half an hour, me and Scarlett lock our front door and make our way down the road. We didn't bother shouting a goodbye, I doubt there would be anyone to hear it anyway.                                       Chatting with Scarlett makes time go faster, the same way it always does. Before I knew it, we were walking down the same path as yesterday, next to the science block, watching clusters of students move in their groups. As always, nobody wants to be alone.                                                                             "...she's lucky she wasn't in my classes yesterday. But if she says a single word to me in PE, I swear..." Scarlett chats away next to me, but I'm only half paying attention. I don't get involved in girl drama. Besides, I'm looking out for various friends who I need to thank for being with me yesterday.

The first of whom I need to thank is making her way out of the science building as me and Scarlett pass. Naomi's brown head tilts up when she spots us, and she smiles and nods before heading away, continuing the conversation she had been having with Liam as she goes. I can't help but feel a twinge in my heart when I see this. She is far too perfect, of course all the guys would be in love with her! For a while now, I had been considering the fact that I may be falling for Liam. He is funny, kind, sweet and generally a great guy. Honestly, though, I don't really care about my feelings. It will never happen, but that doesn't bother me. So why does my heart feel constricted as I watch him laugh at Naomi's comments?