A Shattered Glass, My Life Without Her

Katherine...She Loves Me

ComicCon, the biggest fan-favorite genre-themed convention ever created, and my adopted sister, Kat Barrell, in her constant state of confidence, decided this would be good for me and invited me along for the trip. She knows that I am probably the most naïve fan in the world. No, make that the known universe; including all the alternative universes that will exist in this insanely big convention hall these next four days.

'Iev! Iev!' I hear the one familiar voice over the din of this vast chamber of a space. And then I spot the lithe long limb waving a cell phone in the air. Kat approaches me with a pace that announces to the crowd separating us, she is a woman on a mission. 'Hey!' she expresses in a shortened breath, 'I thought I lost you for a second.'

I barely manage an embarrassing smile, and instantly Kat has my hand in hers, turns and tugs us both back through the crowd. 'We've got to find Ray at the drop-off near the service entrance and get your prescription before we meet everyone back at the green room...I didn't think it would be this crowded so early on.' she admitted.

It was not yet 9AM and the hall was filling with visitors. They seemingly came from every direction. Like ants returning to their hill. How on Earth did Kat think this was beneficial for me? I am on the cusp of a panic attack. It had been a few months since the previous one and I thought things were finally getting manageable. I had finished school for the time-being, graduating with honors at uni with a Masters in Cognitive Poetry.

But now, pulled from my much-desired routine that consisted mainly of research and writing for twelve hours a day, alone at home or at the library, I could feel I was losing that balance. My eyes were trying full of effort to focus where my head allowed them to aim; down at the heel of the bright white size-eleven trainers, with a glinting brass rivet on the side. Kat's shoes bounced quickly off the endless carpeting, chasing themselves forward. I could follow those feet. That task was simple and appreciated. It kept me from the overwhelming surroundings perfectly. And had it not been for the hand that carefully tugged me in the right direction, I would have easily been nowhere and all over at once.

There was a time only a few years ago that, if you asked anyone that knew me at all, they would consider it impossible that I might one day be standing in this crowded, bustling convention space. They probably would have laughed in pity at the idea.

'Iev. Good to see you again.' Dr Keston looked through his bifocals at the notepad on his lap. He looked up at me asI nervously watched his glasses, teetering on the tip of his nose, 'Last week we talked about how you might consider taking courses to get your driver's license.' He reminded himself.

'Kat and I went tuh brunch on Sunday.' I said with a hesitant eye to the floor,  'Wehad mimosas.' I added, knowing I shouldn't be having any kind of alcohol and perhaps felt a bit guilty of having sipped half the glass away.

I rarely say a word at these sessions, but when I do, it most certainly would be in response to the questions my therapist offers. He knows too well it is the only way to get information out of my head and into the open. So when I spoke before he had a chance to ask anything, he considered it a breakthrough.

'Kat came home ovuh the weekend.' I shared. He liked when I mentioned other people. It meant I was aware of them and considered them in my life. I am not alone any more. We both agreed on that. And Katherine, she is famous because of her work and everyone loves and adores her. But I only mention her in my sessions because what many do not know is that I am the luckier one of  us both, because SHE loves me.

'Is she done filming and back on hiatus?' He asked hoping I would be able to spend time with her for a longer duration. He knew Kat was probably the most critical figure in my life when it came to growing out of my thick scarred shell.