A Shattered Glass, My Life Without Her

Cor Meum Sequi Tam

The air in this room is dry. I could tell as I awoke for the second time tonight. It was pretty cold last night so Kat must have turned the heat up before going to bed. Conceding to being wide awake, I peel my eyes open easily adjusting to the darkness of the room. I can't see much but I know I'm surrounded by Iev's nest; neat stacks of papers and notebooks lining the walls.

In this room, she calls her scribbling kiln, the scent of the space is somewhat comforting. Iev's subtle essence of freshly-sharpened pencil and earthy lavender lingers in the air. If I were more attuned, I bet there would be a hint of new notebook calming me as well. And I can almost hear the crack of the spine as she opens a new one, exposing the fresh pages to her words. There must be at least five or six stacks of those against the bed as well.

I stare up at the blank canvas of grey ceiling, wondering how I managed to find myself here in Iev's room.

'Do you want some walnuts?' She had managed to bring a bowl of her favorite treat along as we settled on the couch.

'No thank you, bub.' I smiled at the gesture, recalling how she had once insisted treats always taste better when they are shared.

'Your eyes are puhticuluhly beautiful tuhday.' She blinked as her words came through, slow and broken. Her body now slumped against the cushions, I could tell, beyond Iev's puffy eyes, how exhausted she was, and yet, she managed to charm and flirt, pulling me in.

'Bub, when did you last sleep?' I can't keep focus nor hide my concern.

'Uh, yestuhday...the first.' She proudly recalled.

'Yesterday was the fourth Iev.'

'Uh huh. That's, that's whad I said.' She tried cutely.

Three days without sleep? How is she functioning right now?

'Iev,' I reminded myself to apologize and attempted to speak the words I rehearsed in my head, 'I need to tell you...' But her hand reached over to touch my own.

'Dommie,' she gave me her adorable smile, cutting me off while gently running her fingers against my arm. I could feel my hairs coming to attention, the touch taking my breath away slightly.

She began to stare as she does, unable to help it, she had warned so adorably. But then she quickly stopped herself, turning her eyes down at the sofa; her nervous fingers finding a wrinkle in the seat fabric to niggle. I could tell she was overthinking. Not unlike myself, I guess. But I really need her to hear what I have to say.

'I'm sorry, Iev.' I blurted out while I cupped her hand on my arm, hoping it would get her attention, 'I owe you a massive apology.'

She looked up at me, her other hand clasping mine. 'I want...' we both start and then stopped, not to interrupt the other.

'Sorry...erm,' We both blurted out, trying to allow the other to speak but instead chuckled at our unintended sync. I realized we were quickly getting nowhere.

'Dommie.' Iev took my hand into hers, sliding from her seat and settling closer, her one knee on the carpet. She looked up at me, her posture was simultaneously making me nervous and excited at the same time.

'Iev, what are...'

'I wanna...' she began, cutting me off yet again, as she leaned forward, her palm on my thigh.