2 Jokers (Hunter X Hunter fanfic) [HIATUS]

Chapter 07: Confusion

~Kyoki's POV~

After Zevil Island I avoided every one, saying I was tired when they asked. I walked around the airship aimlessly, trying to get my thoughts in order.

I'd admitted to myself I had felt a pang if loneliness when I thought about them leaving forever. I hated myself for acknowledging so much.

Angrily I kicked a wall, my small foot making a dent in the metal. I left my foot there, and stared at the ground. How could I have formed such a deep attachment to people I had barely met?

Yes Dandelion was fun to tease, Gon was innocent and amusing, Kurapika was polite and, well, he was kinda boring, and Leorio had such pure intentions despite his looks and demeanour it fascinated me. But I didn't care about them beyond a fondness for your favorite toys.

Or so I'd thought, but my heart kept saying what my brain denied. I kicked the wall again, hands in pockets and my hair covering my eyes.

Frustrated I kicked the wall a few more times and walked off, shoulders hunched, leaving a dented wall behind. I stalked around the ship the entirety of the trip, gaining zero sleep.

Needless to say I was grumpy when we got to the place of our next exam. It was a large room with a board on one side. I leaned against the wall, slouched.

Killua and Gon walked over, and my mood worsened upon seeing them and feeling my rebellious feeling heart feel a flutter of happiness.

"Hey hag" Killua said. I grunted but didn't answer. Killua looked taken aback "Hey, I'm talking to you hag" he said, emphasis on hag.

I looked at him "What do you want Zoldyck" I snapped. Killua got right up in my face and even Gon looked shocked "What?" I asked annoyed.

Killua put a hand on my forehead and I batted it away "I said what" I growled. Killua just looked worried "You feeling okay hag? You didn't hit me when I called you that, and your not using insulting nicknames for me" he said.

I arched an eye brow "Didn't take you for a M brat" I said. He sweatdropped but grinned as if he'd accomplished something "That's the old annoying hag I know, for I minute I thought they'd replaced you with someone els-" he was cut off by me throwing an anvil -don't ask where I got it, I have my ways- In his face "Shut up you dandelion" I huffed.

Gon laughed "That's the Kyoki we know" he said. I sighed But couldn't help smiling. Which in turn made me frown, wondering why I found this banter so comforting.

Thankfully I didn't have much time to think about it as they were starting the event. We would each have to win one 1vs1 match to become Hunters.

I shrugged, easy enough, given the opponents present. If it was Hisoka or Illumi, I would have trouble, in turn if it was one of my group, I doubted how well I'd be able to fight against them.

Then smacked myself for thinking of them as 'my' group. 'Bad Kyoki, toys are not to be considered friends' I thought. However soon my mind was totally distracted when one of my so called 'toys' got hurt.

The first match was a guy called Hanzo vs Gon. I figured how it would end, but did not predict the process. When Gon was first knocked down, I stiffened up, unexplainable anger flaring.

By the time Hanzo broke his arm, I was practically shaking with suppressed killing rage. My eyes flashed a brighter green and I took an inadvertent step forward as the crack faded from the room.

Killua stuck an arm out to stop me and if it had been anyone but one of the group, they'd be missing that arm. I glared at him, teeth bared.

He quietly shook his head, but the same anger burned in his eyes, as well as Kurapika and Leorio's. I looked back, a strange surge of protectiveness surged when I saw Gon lying bloody and wounded on the ground.

I wanted to kill Hanzo for doing this to him, which stopped me better than any restraint or word of advise. Why was I so worked up? Why was I so angry at this man, who I didn't know for hurting Gon?

I looked down at my hand as its fingers flexed, as if they wanted to tear something apart. I looked up again and my confusion was overwhelming.

I was so wrapped in my own head, staring unseeing at my hand, trying to figure out the simple question 'Why?' that I missed the end of Gon's match, and people carrying him out, and everything until Killua's match.

My attention was drawn when Illumi pulled the pins from his face. My hand clenched into a fist as I felt Illumi's Nen from where I stood, intimidating and overwhelming for anyone inexperienced.

Killua was definitely inexperienced, and I knew Illumi's twisted training. My heart squeezed uncomfortably as Illumi tore down Killua's fragile confidence.

My hand clenched so hard my knuckles were pale as paper. Again the unexplained anger overtook my mind, and I felt as I had back in Meteor city, all those times when I had protected Hisoka. As if Killua was my little brother, and someone was hurting him.

I saw the moment the light left his eyes, and averted mine, ashamed I couldn't do anything, even Kurapika and Leorio had tried, but I'd been to stunned at my own realization.

'I care about them...Gon and Killua, I actually care, I want to protect them, they're like my little brothers...since when did I care so much...'. I stared at the floor, and as the next match started, I glanced at Killua.

My eyes widened as I saw him move. I started forward but he was already next to Leorio's opponent. In a flash and spray of blood, Killua stabbed him with his hand, his eyes dead as blackened ice.

My foot landed, and its sound echoed through the suddenly silent hall. Killua turned, and walked slowly to the door. My hand twitched, and it started to rise.

My lips wanted to open, to say something, but I didn't now what to say. Before he left, he turned, and his dead eyes met my confused ones. Then he was gone.

My hand dropped, and I stared at it, confusion my entire existence. 'Why? Why am I so worked up? Why did those eyes make me shiver? Why do I have to care!' I thought, wishing I didn't, caring about people made life too complicated, and mine was complicated enough as it was.

When it was my match, I won instantly, so zoned out I just knocked my opponent out cold in 0.1 flat, I was astounded at how sluggish I was being.

I was in a daze the entire rest of the time, and after, instead of attending the briefing, I sat in the room Gon was sleeping in, staring at him while I sat in the char.

My feet dangling in the air limply and I pulled them up to my chest, resting my chin on my knees. "Ne Gon, what do you think I should do, I've never had a friend before, I don't really know how to handle this whole 'caring' thing" I said, with a sheepish chuckle.

'Look at me, asking an unconscious person for advise, I really am mixed up' I thought to myself. Sighing I slumped in the chair. I'd admitted it, I had my first ever, real friends...

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So yeah...short chapter again, sorry 'bout that, really, they just turn out like this. And also, yes this chapter is a little more emotional then my usual, not sure what you guys think of the way this is going, but I hope at least a few.

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Until next time~