hassling hayden

feelings

you woke up really early. you stretched and put a zip up hoodie on, leaving it open. you went into the kitchen and made yourself some coffee.

you heard a cough from outside the door. you set down your coffee and tiptoed over. you looked through the peep hole and saw nothing.

you creaked then door open a crack and saw tom. he was sitting on the steps of the porch smoking a cigarette. your stomach got quivery.

you took a deep breath and opened the door all the way. tom didn't turn around. he just studied the sky. you furrowed your eyebrows and walked up to him, shutting the door behind you. you sat down next to him.

he took another puff of his cigarette and closed his eyes to blow it out. he stared straight again. you cleared your throat. his jaw tensed and eye twitched.

"hi." you murmured. tom exhaled through his nose. he nodded. he was being really ignorant and rude.

"what's with you?" you blurted out. yikes, that won't go over well. tom cocked an eyebrow and looked down. he breathed out a small chuckle and shook his head. "i don't know what your talking about." he mumbled.

you scoffed and scooted closer to him. you brung your head down to try and make eye contact with him, but he turned his head away. you furrowed your eyebrows. "your acting so weird." you grunted.

"did last night mean nothing to you?" you scoffed. toms jaw tensed and he looked over at you. his eyes flustered you. his lip curved a small smirk and he took another puff from his cigarette. "no." he laughed.

your breath hitched. you wanted to cry. was he serious? did it really mean nothing to him?
"w-what?" you whispered, looking down.

tom sighed and threw his head back to blow his smoke upwards. "y/n, it's time to stop being so childish. it's so unprofessional of me to be having any sort of sexual relationship with my lawyers niece. and last night was a mistake. i was horny and wasn't thinking. and besides, it was just sex." he explained.

you felt your heart shatter a bit. you bit back tears. you were being super fucking dramatic, but you couldn't help it. the way tom made you feel, you wanted it forever. but no, he didn't like you. he used you for sex. for pleasure. you widened your eyes and looked up at him.

"y-you didn't feel anything?" you whispered. he sighed and stretched his long arms back. "look y/n, look at my sitation. i'm going to jail in a few months, half of the country wants to kill me and my own government is against me. i have absolutely no time for relationships right now. i can fuck you but i can't love you." he sighed.

those last words. i cant fuck you but i can love you. you wanted to curl into a ball and never come out again. having sex with tom should be enough for you, but for some reason it wasn't. you wanted him. you wanted to fall asleep on his chest like that one night. you wanted him to kiss you passionately. you wanted to go on fun little dates with him. you wanted to hold his hand. you wanted to hug him when you felt sad. you took a deep breath and held in your tears.

you softly nodded and turned away. you hugged your knees and rested your chin on them. tom sighed and scooted closer to you.

"it's nothing you did. i just cannot do relationships. but hey, atleast we can fuck?" he chuckled. you turned to him with hooded eyes. you narrowed your eyes and knitted your brows. he sucked air through his teeth. "bad timing." he mumbled.

"y/n cmon." he said, putting his hand on your back. your lip quivered.

you shoved his arm off of you and stood up. "look, i understand the relationship thing. you're going through shit. but you except me to just hide my feelings and let you use me as your little sex slave? fat chance." you hissed.

toms jaw tensed. "f-feelings? what feelings?" he murmured. ohhhhh shit. did you just admit that you had feelings for tom? yes, yes you did.

you slapped your hands over your mouth and widened your eyes. you fucked up. "i-i no, i didn't mean it like that i- it's just-" you stuttered and began to panic. you stopped trying to get it out. you ran back into the house. you ran all the way to your room and flopped onto the bed. you curled into a ball under the covered and started to cry.

bernadine shot up. "whats, what's going on." she yawned. once she saw your state she was fully awake. "hey, hey what's wrong?" she asked you. you looked up at her and wimpered. "i-i-i admitted my feelings to t-to tom." you whispered. bernadine made a concerned sigh and stretched her arms out. "aw babe c'mere." she soothed.

you scooted up to her and wrapped your arms around her. she wrapped her arms around you and rubbed your back softly. "shh shh it's okay. hey y/n it's okay." she soothed quietly. you let your tears stream down your face. you didn't want to hold in anymore emotions right now.

you cried onto bernie for 10 minutes. she just sat there and calmed you the whole time. you loved her. once your breathing steadied, and there were no more tears to cry, you unwrapped your arms from her.

you sniffled and wiped your nose giving her a warm and loving smile. "i love you." you whispered. she smiled and chuckled. "aw, i love you too." she cooed.

"listen to me. it's gonna be okay. just avoid him. ignore him. you don't need to ever talk to him again if you want. it's all gonna be okay." she whispered. you nodded and smiled. she was right, it would be easy to avoid him.

you and her talked for awhile before walking back out to see what's happening.

abbie, jerry, john and tom were all in the living room. you squeezed bernies hand and she turned around to you. "pretend he's not there." she whispered. you nodded and let go of her.

bernadine went to sit by abbie on the couch and you sat on the opposite side of abbie. abbie put his arms around you both and snickered. "niiiiiccce." he sneered. you both giggled and shoved him off.

"how's your head john?" bernie asked. you zoned out the conversation and stared at the wall. you thought about tom. you would never be able to face him again. you were humiliated. the way you acted last night, compared to this was so embarrassing. he probably thought you were insane.

you saw from the corner of your eye tom. he had his green sweater on. damnit. his hair was shaggy and he had one hand in it, running through it and playing with it. he was so hard to resist.

you turned slightly to look at him and he immediately caught your eye. he rose his eyebrows and smiled. you turned away and scoffed.

you hugged your knees and layed your head down on them to face abbie. abbie noticed abs gave you a warm smile. "you okay l/n?" he implied. you sighed and smiled back at him. "mhm!" you hummed. he nodded his head and turned back to the conversation.

you were everything but okay right now.