Vigilante | H.S.

27 | Apologies

3/3 of the triple update, make sure to reach ch25 and ch26 first :))

***

I couldn't speak.

I didn't know what to say to that.

I stared into his eyes, his face lighting up from the sunrise starting to peak over the city. I sat still wrapped around him, with my hands on his back and my legs around his waist, and he had his hands tight on my waist soothing up and down slowly.

I'd lifted my head from his shoulder, watching his face as he spoke, but he never once looked into my eyes, he stared only into the city behind my head. I swore I saw a hundred emotions flash across his eyes when he told me, but now they just looked sad, but his face was full of anger.

I hated that he was blaming himself, he said the saddest thing was not being able to fix it, there was nothing he could do. He felt helpless.

And I was so completely fascinated by him. The way he was trying to hold everything back, like he was usually so defensive about having any form of emotions. 'Emotions are just a waste of time' as he said, but I could see that deep down, he felt them, he just didn't know how to express them.

And I felt so comfortable in this moment, because I was comfortable with him, the only time I had truly felt safe and comfortable in the past month and a half, and I knew I was probably about to ruin it. I had made him feel guilty for no reason.

"I lied," I confessed.

His eyes met mine for the first time since he had told me what happened, his hands that were rubbing on my waist paused. "What?" He frowned

I gulped and exhaled a shaky breath "I'm sorry Harry"

"What do you mean you lied?" He didn't raise his voice like I had expected him to, he stayed quiet and calm.

"I told you that it was a one time thing" I looked away from him and at the wall behind his head, too scared of his reaction to look at his eyes.

"It wasn't...it was every single day and I lied and told you the one time it happened and made you think it was your fault, which it wasn't and I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that but I was too scared to tell anybody because I thought he'd hurt me even more if he found out I told someone." I blurted out in a panicked state

I waited for him to get angry, It was my fault. I told him it was a one time thing and I had lied. I made him think that the two times James had beaten me were because of him, like he was to blame for what happened.

His hands tightened on my waist, I knew he would get mad at me. My stomach tightened in fear, he had just confessed these emotions to me for no reason.

I'd already prepared myself for an outburst of anger, it always happened anytime I did anything wrong, this time I knew I deserved what was coming to me.

But instead, he didn't get mad like I had feared. He pulled me into him, my face finding the bird tattoo again, the warmth of his body radiating off him, despite the cold air surrounding us.

He didn't say anything, he just hugged me and rubbed my back whispering words of comfort into my ear, I bit down on the inside of my cheek and closed my eyes against him. I felt like I was about to start crying but I stopped myself.

I couldn't remember getting into a bath, I didn't remember a single thing he had told me, and it hurt me to know that I was in that state, as hard as it was, I kept reminding myself that I didn't deserve that.

It was never my fault.

"I knew it wasn't a one time thing" he whispered in my ear, "Don't you remember new year?"