74 | Beautiful

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TW: talk of violence, body image issues, dark themes and  discussions of suicidal thoughts.

please, if any of these topics are triggering for you, or make you uncomfortable in any way, don't read this chapter. Just dm me and I'm more than happy to write a chapter summary for you. Ily <3

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"you talk of the pain like it's all alright
But I know that you feel like a piece of you's dead insidе
You showed me a power that is strong еnough to bring sun to the darkest days" - Matilda.

***




Diana De Angelais

I always felt so safe when I was with Harry.

But after what happened a few days ago, I didn't feel safe at all. Not even in my own home, in our bed, in his arms.

When we had gotten home, we rested and tried to help Harry and Zayn recover from where they had been shot. They were both lucky that they weren't hit anywhere bad, just grazes on their skin. But the fact that if it had been only a few more inches in another direction, either of them could be dead.

Harry and I had just sat on the couch for what could have been hours, I had lost track of time completely. I was aware of the fact he had put on Rick and Morty, knowing it was my favourite show and would cheer me up. But I wasn't watching it, I just stared at the screen, still paralysed in fear.

I'd stayed by Harry's side for every minute of the day. I just needed reassurance, he was here, and he was okay. I think he noticed I needed it, because he was always holding me close and murmuring sweet things into my ear.

Right now we were tangled up in bed. Harry's chest pressed tightly against mine, one of his hands was on my hip while his other arm was wrapped around me, and I used his arm as a pillow.

He seemed to be sound asleep, his lips were pouted slightly, and his eyes were fluttered closed. His breathing was slow, the repetitive slow breath hit my forehead every few seconds.

He looked so peaceful when he slept, so stress free and relaxed. The crease wasn't between his eyebrows and his features were soft.

Donut was somewhere on the bed, Harry had finally caved and let him sleep on the end of the bed with us. It comforted me knowing he was here too. I was so scared that wanted to know where he was at all times

I, however, had probably slept two hours in total over the past three days.

I would go to bed with Harry and would listen to his breathing, trying my hardest to sleep because I was so exhausted, it felt like I needed to sleep for three days straight. But I just couldn't. I would lay wide awake, for hours and hours, while Harry would sleep peacefully next to me.

I hadn't told him that I was struggling to sleep, he already had enough on his plate. Both he and Zayn had been shot, everything with Stefan and James getting closer to us, the interactions we had with them becoming more frequent. Zayn and Louis had moved back in too. The three of them worked all day from the earliest hours until after midnight. Most of the time they would just stay at home. The living room was now redecorated with files, paperwork, boards with names and places where they thought Stefan would be.

They were all stressed, I didn't need to dump more shit on Harry for him to worry about.

Harry breathed in a long slow breath. His face nuzzled into the crook of my neck where he placed a gentle tired kiss. His arm tightened around me, pulling me closer to him. I stilled and closed my eyes, pretending I was asleep. I never woke up before him, it would be weird if I was already awake when he woke up.

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