Destructive love

Don't do this

It's been two days since I've seen Mattheo.
He's been weirdly distance .
I didn't know why , I was going to ask him but when I was about too he finds a way to change the subject.
It's probably nothing.
I was on my way to watch Theodore train , he had invited me again to watch him.
I didn't mind , it was actually quite nice getting fresh air seeing the boys have fun.
While I write more diary entries.

I was stood at the bottom of the stands , watching as Theo hits one of the bludgers into the hoops, I clap and smile .
I walk into the bottom of the stands where it was covered , meaning they couldn't see me as I grabbed my water bottle.
I was about to go back out to watch but someone blocks my way.
"Shit Theo you scared me" it was Mattheo, I was so happy to see him.
I hug him and then look around making sure no one was watching.
I kiss him , he kisses back but it was short and not passionate like our other kisses.

"What's wrong?" I pull away from him waiting for his answer.
He looks at his shoes "I'm just tired" he doesn't look me in the eyes.
"I've got to run I'll see you later" he kisses me on the cheek as he makes his way back up to the castle.
I grab my bag following him.
I know where he was going, he was going to the room of requirement.
I knew this for defiant when he turns going up the stairs towards the 7th floor.
I follow him in the room, maybe he's being distant because of the whole stupid cabinet thing.

I was wrong .
I follow him in and he starts walking faster, deeper into the room.
He finds a empty sofa and sits there.
He looked sad and exhausted.
He takes off his blazer leaving him in his shirt and tie.
"Mattheo?" He quickly sits up at the sound of my voice.
He huffs when he sees me "what are you doing here? Aren't you meant to watch Theo train or something?" He waves me off in annoyance.
I walk up sitting next to him .
"Why are you being so strange? Is it about me watching Nott train? What's wrong Theo?" I put my hand on his shoulder and he pulls away from my touch.
I frown at his movements.
"Nothings wrong! Why did you have to follow me?!" His head leans back on the sofa looking up at the ceiling.
"Because you are being strange! I was worried that's all" I confess and he scoffs laughing.
I didn't understand what he thought was so funny.

I noticed the bags under his eyes and how pale he looked.
"Are you not getting sleep because of the cabinet? Can you not fix it? Is your father-" he cuts me off by standing up.
"No! God no! The cabinet isn't the issue!" He waves his hands about.
"Then what is?!" I stand wanting a valid answer.
"You want a answer? You really want that? Because Y/n let me tell you , the truth isn't so pretty and perfect as you expect!" He starts pacing on the spot as he runs his hands through his hair.
Stressed off his head.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean? What is going on?!" I try to touch him but he pushes away from me.
"Don't touch me don't fucking-" he takes a deep breath before finishing his sentence.
"You wanna know what the problem is? Why I've been so "strange?" You really want to know?"

He shouts at me frustrated , by what I didn't know.
"Yes! That's all I want!  A fucking answer from you!" I shout back desperately wanting to help him with whatever he is struggling with.
"This is why!" He rushes towards me and I flinch as he pulls up his sleeve revealing the mark.
I gasp , my chin wobbles at the sight of it, I shake my head in disbelief.
No this isn't him .
That isn't what I wanted for him.
My eyes are glassy , I was at a loss of words .
"You see now don't you! Why I've been so fucking "strange?""
I pull my eyes away from his mark looking up into his eyes.
"This doesn't change anything Theo" I try to comfort him by rubbing his arm but he pulls away yet again.

"Yes it does , you know it does!" He raises his hand pointing at me.
"No it doesn't!" I try to hug him but he doesn't let me get close enough.
"Stop! Stop it! Why are you ok with this?!" He shouts angrily at me.
His eyes were lasted with Rage and hurt.
"What? you think I'm ok with this? You think I wanted this for you? No I didn't but it's done now!" Tears threatening to leave my eyes but I wouldn't let them spill , not yet.
"You should be mad! Why aren't you fucking mad?!" He pushes a stack of books over with frustration.
"It doesn't change how I feel about you Theo or how I see you as a person! That's why I'm not mad! It doesn't matter to me!" I shout back louder at him.
Why was he being like this , I don't care what's on his arm , I just care about him.

"It might not matter to you but it danm Well matters to me! , and you know your wrong! This changes everything!" He runs his hands through his hair.
"Not to me it doesn't! Your still the same person I met that first day in the hall!" I breathe out wanting him to understand that I wasn't mad at him or cared for him any less.
"It might not of changed how you feel about me but it has changed how I feel about you!" He stops looking me dead in the face.
I stop breathing heavily and just gasp in shock of what he just said.
"You don't mean that-" I start but he cuts me off with a scoff.

"God Y/n if you found out at the start of the year that I was a death eater planing on letting other death eaters into the castle and starting a fucking war, you'd hate me , you'd scream at me , you'd say how much you hate me!" He practically screams at me and I step back from his screeching voice.
I finally have a realisation.

"Is that what this is about! You want me to be mad at you! You want me to scream about how much I hate you just because of what is on your arm?!
If I did that it would be a lie! I bent everything I believe in so I could be with you!
I made myself forget about what your father did and what you did by fucking watching!
For locking me in your room for weeks!
For fucking nearly killing me!
I changed all my morals for you!
How you spoke to Kai ,GOD! how I hate how you speak to people , how you treat people! But I forgot all that because I Love you!"
His face twists at what I just said.
I didn't care , I meant it every word of it.
I loved Mattheo Thomas Riddle with everything I had.

"Then stop loving me!" He shouts back instantly after my confession.
"I can't!" I walk closer to him angry at what's happening.
I take a deep breath , pushing my hair out of my face.
"Your scared I get it! but whatever your trying to do right now isn't going to change the fact that you are frightened just like everyone else!" I say calmly, with my voice raised slightly from the adrenaline.
"You don't get it! You never will!" He holds his arms out .
He steps towards me with a face like thunder backing me up against a cabinet.

"I don't love you! The mark has changed everything! it's changed how I feel about you and everyone else and I'm done! we're done
Y/n!" He points in my face and tears burst out of my eyes.

MATTHEO RIDDLE POV

When she followed me I knew that this was the moment.
The moment, the chance I had to break Y/n, I wanted to do it in the nicest way possible but right now I was just saying shit to make her leave me.
After all that's what would be best.
It didn't matter what came out my mouth , wether it was the truth or lies , I was prepared to say anything to get her to hate me.
I don't want her in this , I don't want her getting involved in this bullshit.
It's too dangerous , she's too precious to me to be hurt or killed by my fathers death eaters.

I said I didn't love her and as soon as I said it I wanted to take it back, I wanted to say how I didn't mean it , grab her face and press my lips on hers , never letting her go .
That's when I knew that I have in fact felt love.
I see her tears break out onto her cheeks.
God I was a asshole.
I hate who I am and now she does too.
I knew that if I was nice she wouldn't leave me.
This is the only way it could've gone down.
My forehead lightly drops onto hers as a tear escapes my eyes .
I knew if I didn't leave now I never would.
For the first time in my life , I was going to be selfless.
I couldn't be selfish with Y/n , I loved her too much for that.

I quickly push off the cabinet and walk away fighting every urge in my body telling me to turn back.
I hear her steps behind me , they were heavy she was angry.
"Fine walk away! Walk away from everything we've built because your scared! Because your scared of what your father thinks! Walk away because your to much of a coward to admit how you really feel about me!" She screams, her voice cracking as she watches me leave her.
God how I wanted to turn back.
But I won't , that would be selfish .
I walk straight keeping my face forward .
I walk away from the only person I've ever loved.