time to begin [n.h]

three; decisions

“Don’t you understand? I’m never changing who I am!” I sing into my camera, playing the last notes on my keyboard. Not my computer keyboard though, my piano one. I say my thanks to all the viewers and end the video, going to edit in a few things and start uploading it.

I just recorded me singing It’s Time by Imagine Dragons since it’s Sunday. I upload videos every Sunday and I forgot to record it on Saturday, like I always do so I’m doing it now.  I quickly upload it to YouTube since it’s already getting late. I lay down on my bed while it uploads, thinking of how I relate to that song. I find myself lost in my thoughts about it, thinking way too deep about it.

I realise that all I ever wanted isn’t what I really do want. What I do want, I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ll ever know what I’ve really wanted. But what I don’t want is attention. I don’t want people to know about me, my past, or right now. I don’t want to be famous or anything, I’m happy just the way it is now.  I want to keep it all to myself because it’s just easier.

 

It’s time to begin, isn’t it?

 Is it really the time though? Is it time for me to realise this I’ve had enough of this bullshit yet?

The path to heaven runs through miles of clouded hell, right to the top.

I think I know exactly what this means. It means that you have to go through a lot of pain and agony to get to someplace happy. Because you can’t really have happiness if you don’t know what pain is. You can’t have happiness if you don’t have bad times.

I think I should go, I really do. But where would I go? Where can I go where I wouldn’t know anyone there.

I’m not going to a place that’s hot. I really like rainy, cold weather that forces me to wear a jacket or coat. I walk over to my laptop and go to Google, searching “Rainy places to live”

I find a Yahoo Answers and decide I might as well trust that.

Saint-Petersburg, Russia...

London, England…

Dublin, Ireland…

Scotland...

 Seattle, America…

Things like those I found. So now I’m torn between Scotland and London, England. I’m most definitely not going to Russia, I know absolutely nothing about Russia at all. Although, I wouldn’t find anyone I’d know. London and Scotland are both lovely places and it would be nice for a bit of a change of this freezing cold Minnesota weather.

Scotland.

England.

I don’t even know. I decide to make my own Yahoo Answer thing asking the public, I don’t think I trust all those travel sites since they only show one side of it. They either want me to go to England or Scotland, so trash one of them and praise the other.

It takes a while to actually get answers, and even though I only got a few answers, they said London; more things to do there, more experiences.