winters pov
after billie and I ya know in her car, we went home. well to her house. but we're neighbors so. anyways.
when we get there, her mom had all her favorite food because they felt bad for what had happened while there were on a business trip.
there was like 30 bean burritos, vegan lasagna, frech fries, and cans of beans as a joke. but did she eat.
billie ate like they were starving her at the hospital. she had like 15 burritos and half the french fries, and a can of beans. weirdo
I was sitting on the couch writing because it calms my nerves. even though we literally just fucked in her car. being in her house makes me nervous, because she doesn't know what happened here that one night.
I got so lost in my head and writing that I didnt hear anyone calling me til Finneas shook my shoulder, I looked up and everyone was staring at me.
F: Win you okay?" he asked with the same looked everyone else had.
concern and pity.
W: what? yeah I'm fine. I think imma go home,okay? i-i dont feel great and I have school tomorrow and its already kinda late. night everyone." I said, waved goodbye and started to walk out.
i got 3 steps out the door. before I felt someone pull my wrist. I turn it was Billie. obviously.
B: Win what's wrong, you're acting weird?" she questioned with a puzzled look in her eyes as if she was trying to read my mind with her beautiful blue eyes. black hair flowing perfectly around her face.
B:Win?" she asked again.
W:What? oh noting bil I just gotta go home and feed princessesa and shower and-"
she cut me off by bringing me in for a kiss. slowly deepening it. with her hand on my waist and mine on her stomach.
she broke the kiss looked me in the eyes
B: I know something is wrong because you're rambling. and anxious about something. but I'm not gonna force you to tell me. just know I'm here if you need me." she said with one more kiss and walked inside.
What. The. Hell.
why is she being so nice. and lovey. it's weird and I'm scared. I just walked back to my house. so lost in my head I didnt realise my mom was staring at me.
(moms name is ella)
E: Winter!" she yelled.
W: hmm?"
E: what is your issue? you've been sitting here petting princessesa for like 20 minutes just staring at the wall."
W: I was in billies living room again."
was all i said before breaking down. in my moms arms. she held me as I cried. knowing what happened.
E:shhh sweetie its okay. " she said as she rubbed my back while I cried.
W: I couldn't tell her mom. I just couldn't. Finneas hasn't told her thankfully, she would kill him for keeping it a secret for so long."
E: no baby, she'd probably just be upset you didnt tell her when it happened. You guys were best friends. Inseparable. Attached at the hip..and it happened in her house. Less then a 100 feet from her room. Shes not gonna be mad. Just upset. You know she has an anger problem, and is protective of you,but she'll understand as to why you didnt tell her. Just tell her when you're ready. Dont force anything, time will come." She said as she got up from my bed. To let me go to sleep because princessesa has already eaten, I knew that because I asked my mom to feed her. Because I was busy...
I fell asleep for about 2 hours. And a nightmare.
⚠️rape/suicide warning⚠️
Flashback/nightmare.
"Comeone it'll be fun." His deep voice said in a whisper.
"No please I don't want to. I told you I dont like guys. Please stop."
He didnt stop. He continued to put pills in my mouth and force me to take them because he was stronger then me.
The room started to spin. I felt my eyes get heavy. My body go limp. As he took my bottom clothes off slowly. I felt his nasty lips touch my skin.
His gross hands down my pants. His dick where it shouldn't have been. It hurt. Becasue I've never had sex before this. I pleaded for him to stop. But it was like he couldn't hear me...or didn't want to. He just kept going til he was finished. I felt a warm substance on my stomach.
"Thank god he pulled out" I thought to myself.
That's when I saw finneas walk through the front with a drunk passed out billie. He was confused at first. Assumed it was nothing. He went and put bille in her room. And went to go to his til I managed the words
"Help please" he heard me and a the punch the guy threw to the right side of my face.
Maggie and Patrick were out of town. Family thing. Billie and Finneas stayed back because of school.
Next thing you can barely see, is finneas running and football tackling the guy off of me to the floor.
Finneas dragged him outside to the front and beat him til he didnt move. Then called the guys friends. Who came to get him. I'm assuming FINNEAS explained what happened based on the yelling the his friends were doing at him. They took him to the police station.
I still was immobile due to what he made me take. When FINNEAS came back inside he went to grab a towel and a warm bucket of water to get that shit off my stomach.
He helped me to the shower, and helped me shower. He got me clothes and let me sleep in his bed.
The next morning I went to my house and sat in the bathroom and cried. I cried til i couldn't. I was disgusted with myself. Ashamed. Felt nothing anymore.
I grabbed my blade. And did it. 6 really long really deep times..how many times he used my body. I felt the blood leaving my arm.
End flashback/nightmare.
I woke up screaming and crying. Billie was in my room waking me up. Because she was over in Djs room with him..when she heard me. DJ suggested she wake me up given she had the same type of shit.
B: win. Win wake up its just a nightmare " is what she said as I woke up.
W: Its not just a nightmare."
__________________________________
update: just checked, sorry I wrote this under an hour last night bc I couldn't sleep so I just went through and checked everything hopefully it's good, I have dyslexia so idrk lmao. but yeah..longest chapter I've written in a while..lmk if you guys like longer chapters or shorter ones..xoxo mj
1112 word count. Anyways. Couldn't sleep so I updated. Its shitty ik. But whatever..hope you enjoy, eat and drink something please even if it's small. I love you.
💚💛🖤🤍
