Within An Impasse

Rage Boiled Over

"What the fuck?! You crazy bitch! What is wrong with you?!"

Yea I know, Damon, Frank, John, Kevin, Jamie, Darren, and Darrel, I know I'm a crazy bitch. But quite frankly, I don't give a fuck.

"I'm calling the fucking police!"

"Oh my GOD! This is too much for me! You're dick is so not worth this!"

Aww the hoe had to run away from the crazy situation huh?

"Don't bother honey," I say to Damon, " I already called them." I say with a smile on my face. 

The look of pure shock came upon his face; mouth and eyes wide open. I broke his windshield with a bat and threw acid on the car Lemonade style while he was still fucking his side bitch in it.  Honestly, I didn't even care about him. He claimed he loved me; they always do,but it's only a matter of time before they're caught. 

And me going to jail for this? I don't care. I've been in and out of jail for the last 5 years. I never stay long because my black privilege always saves me in the end.

"Look at my fucking car Alana, you know I don't have money for another one! Bitch what the fuck is wrong with you? Why would you fucking do that?!"

He grabbed me by my throat to choke me right  as the cop car pulls up. I look him dead in the eyes.

"What's the matter baby? Don't you know I loved being choked." I stick my tongue out at him and smile. 

Oh don't get me wrong, I'm not stupid. I totally know I'm getting arrested, but since a cop just saw him choke me in broad daylight with them watching, he will be arrested too. 

An all too familiar face came out of the squad car. It was my dad's old friend Joe. 

"Really Alana..." She said in an exasperated voice. She's arrested me several times now. I know she's sick of my shit, but get in line Joe, there's a whole list of people who are sick of my shit; currently Damon.

Joe looked at Damon and started to read off his Miranda rights. 

"Come on officer she did this to my car, and you gonna try to take me down?"

I didn't realize how much of a whiny bitch Damon had become... why was I ever in to him?

"Sir, I saw you choke her. " She turns to me then says, "Alana, what the fuck did you do this time?"

"Well let's see..." I drew for a dramatic pause...I have a thing for theatrics.  "I saw this piece of shit of a used to be boyfriend fuck some hoe in the back of MY CAR!"

"No it's-"

"Who's fucking name is it in genius?  Fucking piece of shit! So I took a bat to his windshield and put acid on his car."

"Alana...I...never mind, come on." Joe read me my Miranda rights and asked if I wanted to press charges for abuse.

"Hold up I didn't fucking abuse her. Look at my car she did this to me!"

"Son, I don't want to have to use force, put your hands behind your back and sit down over by the car." He used a zip tie then his partner sat him over by the squad car.  

Joe took me to the side on the other side of the street.

"Alana...this is has got to stop. Seriously. I promised your daddy that I would look after you. That was his dying wish."

"Don't bring him into this. You of all people should know how shitty he was to us Joanna"

"For the last time, when I'm the force it's Joe."

"Gee I wonder why...cause the fucking male dominated world has to put you in a place for to be more 'manly' on the job?"

"You can't keep hating men-"

"Just take me in, I'll deal with whatever sentence I have coming."

"Look this is a little more serious then the other petty shit you've pulled." 

"I don't care."

"Well I do. Come on."

She puts me in the back of her car, while  we wait for another squad car to pick of Damon. Normally she would just put both of us in the same car, but given that the circumstance I can't be in the same car with Damon.

I watched as the squad car pulled up beside us to see how Damon was being man-handled by two officers. I started giggling to full blown cackling. 

"That's enough Alana."

I put my feet up on the window, and twirled my hands trying to grab things as they were tied behind my back. 

"You love to provoke people too much."

"What the fuck am I suppose to do while being like this?"

"Just. Sit. There. Silently."

Normally I didn't give a fuck what people told me, but I guess (rolling my eyes at myself) I have a soft spot for Joe. So I decided to just sit as she told me. 

As I got to the station, she pulled me out of the car and we went through the whole process of booking, mug shot etc. 

She sat me in a holding cell. I saw as Damon got booked, and was walked past me.

"You fucking bitch! I don't wanna ever see you again!"

"You'll see me every night in your nightmares baby, I will haunt you over and over again." I say with a satisfying smile.

About an hour later Joe came to get me out of my cell and pulled me into a interrogation room.

"OOH I haven't been here in a while." I laugh.

"Cut the shit Alana this is serious."

"What Joe?"

"Before this gets any worse for you, let me tell you what you need to do. When you go on trial, you need to plead insanity."

"okay...we all know I'm fucking crazy what's that suppose to do?"

"You could be facing charges for attempted manslaughter based on the facts of what you did, and in broad daylight where there were plenty of witnesses. Dammit Alana!" She smacked the table. "If you kill someone as the next thing, I am NOT gonna help you, You understand me?"

"I didn't burn them!"

"You poured acid on the car while they were still in it."She said flatly. "The only thing protecting them was glass of the windshield of which you broke with a fucking bat Alana. Wake up! I can't keep you safe and just because we have a privilege doesn't mean that it will always keep you safe from your own bullshit. You're 28 years old, you can't keep this shit up!"

"I'm not going to be put in straight jacket over some disgusting man who couldn't keep his dick to himself."

"Then maybe you should have thought of that before you decided to start slinging a bat. You're actions have consequences Alana, and I don't know maybe you like going to jail. But look. " She took my hand in hers which was probably going to get her into some kind of trouble. She made me look at her.

"Look you...you're like a daughter to me. I need you to stop doing this to yourself and me. Once you get stuck here there is no going back. You are way too young to be getting caught up like this. I want you to grow up, settle down, and be happy. Whatever that may mean for you, but I know it isn't this right?"

I just stared at her for while. I couldn't say a word. She had tears in her eyes, and all I can think of is being back in that hospital. My dad said to her

"Take care of Alana please...I...she's all I got in the world and I....I messed up big time. I...take care...please" Right before he flatlined. I had been crying and screaming at about all the things he had done to me and how much I hated him. After everything Joe has done for me since all I could say was

"Okay...I'll do it."