Within An Impasse

A Promise She Couldn't Keep

"I caught him this time with my fucking sister! My fucking sister Ms. Jordan! How can I be so stupid to stay with someone after he fucked my best friend, but now I caught him in bed with my fucking sister?!" 

Heather burst into tears as I leaned over and handed her some tissue. She was my third client for that day. I hear their stories day in a day out, remaining composed and relaxed as they outburst and completely lost in in my office on a day to day basis.  I had my treatment plans well organized and color coded. I had the schooling and training to be in this profession for the last 10 years of my life, however I felt completely numb to it all. 

They say that therapist are suppose to be the most trusted and guidance trainers that were, but to be honest, I felt empty. 

"So what do want to happen from here?"

"I...I don't know. I kicked him out of the apartment if that's what you're asking. I definitely stopped speaking to my sister indefinitely, but why do I have to be alone just because that bastard fucked me over again for the thousandth time."

"You don't have to be alone, you can go out and do other things with other people."

"But that's just it Ms. Jordan...My sister, my best friend, and my boy friend are all I've had since my parents passed away. We all would hang together along with my boyfriend's best friends. I feel like ...this is so fucked up but...I feel like I shouldn't have to suffer alone just because my boyfriend ruined everything."

"You mean you would like to keep them around you as your support system?"

"Well yea...I mean of course I'm fucking pissed and hurt and filled with intense rage, but if I don't have them, I have no one."

I let that sit for a while and let her process what she just said. Then I said

"Do you remember what we talked about last week about codependency?"

"Yea, you said it's where you stick in toxic situations and relationships for the fear of being alone and ...I'm doing that aren't I?"

"You can always find a new support system, one that's more healthy." I was such a fucking liar. I know for my fucking self that I can't even do that, and yet I am suppose to tell my clients to believe this utter bullshit. Maybe in dream world you can find a loving supporting group of people, but in the real world, it's fucking impossible. I continued

"I know that Gina is your sister and nothing can change that fact, but you don't have to mend that relationship if you don't want to."

"But...aren't I suppose to?" That's the thing about the world. It can make you feel like you're 'supposed' to do a lot of things that you simply don't have to. I haven't spoken to any member in my family since I graduated from high school. I moved out at 18 and never looked back. Good fucking ridden!

"Just as any stranger, family can be just as hazardous to your mental health as anyone else. You don't have to if you don't feel you should. If the relationship with her is more important to you to try and fix, then you can work on trying that. If you want, you can even bring her into a session or so."

"I...I'll think about it. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Well I believe that is our time for today. Next week come back and tell me how want to proceed with the relationship with your sister and your support system that you have."

"Okay thank you Ms. Jordan."

She walks out and I continue my notes about our session in the charts that I have. I heard a knock on the door a few minutes later.

"Tyler?"

"Yes, come in."

"Stephanie! and what do I owe this wonderful surprise?"

Stephanie was my supervisor that does weekly evaluations with me. We usually do them on Friday...today was Thursday so I hope that didn't mean I was in some sort of trouble. 

"Well I just wanted you to know first hand that I won't be here tomorrow, I'll be come from this Friday to next Friday. I'm going on a vacation with my husband Daniel."

"Oh okay sounds like fun, where to?"

"We're going to the Bahamas! I can't wait, I haven't been there in years since I was teenager. So with that in mind we are gonna do the evaluations a day early."

"Oh okay...I was just finishing up my notes from my last client. I am suppose to go on lunch now, but I can't wait till later."

Stephanie was professional and kind, but I know she didn't care about me having to shove lunch away. We worked through my evaluation; she told me somethings that I could improve on and some things I did a good job on then she said she had something else to tell me.

"So I know you don't do this type of client, but I think this will be a good challenge for you."

Bullshit any time she says things like that it means she's about to hand me someone that no other therapist would take. I'm still a newbie to this office even after a year  and I still get these types of deals handed to me. The last client that was like this was immediately removed after our third session because he stabbed me with a sharp pencil. I didn't think it was that bad, but that sucker left a bruise in the middle of my hand. 

"What type of challenge?" I cautiously asked.

"Well she has been in and out jail for the last couple of years. She showcases as a 'crazy ex-girlfriend type. This time she took a bat to the ex's windshield and poured acid on the car right as the two in the car were having sex. The court ordered her to remain in a state institution, but as a favor to the client the person representing her asked us to take care of her first before sending her straight to the institution that's near us. 

"Like a holding cell huh?" The sarcasm flew out of my mouth before I could stop it. Normally I would never say anything, but I was getting tired of these fucking 'challenges' that they kept throwing at me. I would think that Stephanie would be perturbed by my sarcasm, but maybe she was just too damn happy about her trip to care.

"I know it seems we keep picking on you-" understatement of the year, but whatever. "but this will help you build yourself here and throughout your career.

"When do you have to start seeing her?"

"Monday. She will be here at 9 am. Promise me that you'll be open about this?"

"Sure, no problem Stephanie." She left the office with a flourish as she handed me her file and I sunk into my chair. 

After about 10 minutes of sulking and just snatching a granola bar from my purse to snack on I opened the new client's file.

Alana Bailey James. The mug shot of her showcased her to look like an Afropunk rocker, including with middle finger up in the camera and her tongue hanging out. 28 years old, black female, brown eyes, dark brown hair. Arrested in 2015 3 times, 2016 4 times, 2017 7 times, 2018 9 times. Good fucking grief! I exclaimed out loud. Misdemeanors, public drunkenness, public indecency , felony, fraud, embezzlement.  Most of her crimes are crimes against men.  A picture of  a tattoo was framed on her side that literally said  Miss Misandrist with wings springing around it.

I closed the file. There's no fucking way I'm going to take this case. Come Monday I'll just have to submit an appeal and request someone else take this case. This was a case that I couldn't possibly be ready for. Stephanie would be upset, but my promise to her was just something I couldn't keep.