Within An Impasse

As This Feeling Goes

I was stuck between telling her exactly everything that happened between me and Francesca, or just saying how happy I was to be friends with her. I know how these things work. They say that these sessions are confidential, but what they really mean is "We wont tell all the messy details of your life: just if you kill or want to kill someone, yourself, or if you violate our policies and fuck someone here while you're staying here." Tyler seemed cool, especially since she was brave enough to tell me about her orgasm problem and her upcoming date. However, I don't know how cool she was for me to tell her what really happened between me and Frankie. 

"Alana...come on...We've sat here for 15 minutes without a word. I know there is more to this than the room change."

"Well we wouldn't have been sitting in silence, if you just told me how your date went."

"Your sessions are not about ME, they are about YOU."

I decided to play her game, and I had a feeling I would win. 

"Well I would feel more comfortable about talking about what what happened if you told me what happened with you."

She conceded, rolled her eyes, then sat up forward then turned toward me. Ha ha, knew I would win that. 

"Okay fine. I will tell you what happened. Well me and Ryan went on a date at Nolan's bookstore."

"Oh that's cute." I put up my feet on the couch, and turned to her with my full attention. 

"I had bought a book before he got there which I am currently reading now. He came, and we started talking but..."

"But...."

"Well the conversation took an embarrassing turn..."

"Embarrassing how?"

"Well he asked where the anime section was, and I told him it's right by the erotica..."

 "okay..."

"I told him I read that section often so I know exactly where it was." She hid her face behind her hands like she was shy school girl.

"So... what did he say?"

"He asked me what my favorite erotica was, then had the audacity to ask me if it was 50 shades of Grey."

"Yuck! That was the shittiest book series, and the shittiest movies! It insulted the BDSM community, and just not good writing or movie making. The actors were pathetic, and I swear if they think having sex like two damn fish slapping up and down in bed is hot, then they are all on acid!"

She opened her eyes to look at me.

"Wow... I didn't think you felt that strong about it. I mean I know it's a shitty series, but wow."

"OH MY GOD did you just cuss?! I love this; tell me more!"

"Fuck...oh..." She covered her mouth.

"No no please, please let me know that you are human, and not a professional robot. "

"I..this is so crossing a line I can't-"

"Tyler...please. " I took her hands off of her face, and grasped them in my own. "Please continue."

"Fine...Well he then asked me what book I was a reading now. I told him about Touch...it's basically a sexual guide to help you through your sexual trauma to understand about good touches again."

I gasped at that. On a first date? She's talking about trauma on her first date??? Not good, not good at all. She is probably so out of practice, but then she says