"every h:pii fanfic ever"

a labyrinth, for lack of a better word

you want a labyrinth that gets the job done? you want a labyrinth that's hassle free? you want a labyrinth that literally no one will ever find you in? well look no further: miracle musical's labyrinth. let's talk about features.

entrance: yep
the twisted innards of a deranged man's mind: yep
exit: nope
search party: nope...but it's got an entrance & you have a brain.

let me tell you a story. one day this guy got lost in the labyrinth. nobody gave a shit & ignored it. he vanished. the end.

you could take this labyrinth, stuff it full of simons, take them out a thousand years later, put them in an infirmary, fill the labyrinth with bombs, light 'em up, & this labyrinth would be just fine. this labyrinth will outlive you, it will outlive your children.

things this labyrinth is old enough to do:
vote: no
consent to sex: please don't
get lost in a labyrinth: it IS a labyrinth

this labyrinth's got history. it's seen some shit. people have done straight things in this labyrinth. people have done gay things in this labyrinth. it's not going to judge you like a fucking maze would.

interesting facts:
this labyrinth's exterior colour is rainbow, but it's interior colour is rainbow. in the owner's manual, ex girlfriends are listed as "optional." when this labyrinth was unveiled at the local infirmary, it caused all 2,000 workers to spontaneously scream. the resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. four people died.

you wanna know more? great, we had this labyrinth fill out a facebook survey.

favourite food: the mentally ill
favourite tv show: friends
favourite band: do i even need to tell you

when we actually ran a search party through here, i got back a single piece of paper that said, "it's simon. he's fine."

let's face the facts, this labyrinth isn't going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. stop lying to yourself & stop lying to your wife. this isn't the labyrinth you want, it's the labyrinth you fucking deserve: miracle musical's labyrinth.

nothing happens in this chapter.