"every h:pii fanfic ever"

absolutely nobody dreaming sweet (in sea major)

oh my god mermaids!!!! they're real now guys!!! they were never mentioned before but they're here now!!!

admittedly, it's hard to make a stereotype for this chapter since nobody knows what the fuck is going on. hell, it's hard to write this chapter in a NORMAL story.

joe hawley's 40s-esq word salad song has to be relevant to the plot though, as following the album is more important than developing coherent worldbuilding or lore or story. instead of incorporating these elements throughout the story, let's incorporate these elements all at once!

holograms! pyramids! crystals! obelisks (what the hell is an obelisk???)! sirens! they are all real now!! they weren't real before but they certainly are now!

is it a dream? is simon asleep, or is he hallucinating, or is it real? doesn't matter! just don't ever clarify it; you might actually have to do research on mental illness if you do (& god forbid!)

truth be told, simon has undergone little-to-no character development over this story, as despite being in total abject misery over here, simon will immediately vibe with these sirens & begin to flirt with them.

"rip to other simons but i'm different 😏" no you're not, generic Simon protagonist; no you're not, I promise.

but gasp! its time to reveal the plot twist that's never been done before! the girlfriend from before, stella, IS A SIREN NOW! gasp! no way! reuniting time! this is so sweet & cute oh no.

"Oh my folly it's Stella! my love I talked to twice! i'm sorry for murdering you" Simon will take the blame for the murder regardless of if he killed her or not.

"it's ok i forgive you" says stella. why the hell would you forgive him if he murdered you? this is not FNAF honey.

Simon & Stella share a moment together & it's supposed to be really sweet & cute, but somehow leaves you with more questions than before. isn't this the last chapter, & we still have all of these questions to answer? we kinda need to wrap it up here.

grandiose speech time! stella drops all the secrets to the universe or something here. all the really important other worldbuilding you were supposed to do earlier? yeah, just drop it here. stella is the brainiac since god knows simon isn't.

"I'm a siren now because blah blah blah! crystals pyramids obelisks (still haven't explained what an obelisk is...) blah blah blah. fish puns, probably. blah blah blah!"

"good golly, that makes so much sense!" no it doesn't??!

simon starts flirting with the sirens because, despite everything he's been through, he's still a fuckboy. but wait a minute... tension begins to build. there's another plot twist coming, surely.

suddenly stella grabs simon &... drowns him? that or simon jumps in himself, taking his own life. whether he drowns or freezes or gets eat or whatever else, he dies now.

his ass was NOT living forever tonight, that's for sure.

your mouth is now wide open in shock. what the fuck was that?? you gesture broadly & confused to your computer or phone screen in your hypothetical room. what???!

"but they were just having fun! they just reunited! she said she forgave him!" i know! i know, reader. gah, so frustrating! but plot twists are plot twists, & sirens are sirens.

technically sirens were bird-like women, but sailors basically turned them into "evil mermaids", so y'know, whatever.

vengeance has to happen! now everyone is happy.

"but what if simon didn't kill stella? wouldn't she know? wouldn't she not need vengeance then?"

"what about the "you'll live forever tonight" line?"

"but simon can't die! he's the main protagonist!"

your buts go unheard. let us recite our three golden rules.

III) simon is beyond mortality & logistics until the dream sweet in sea major chapter.

II) simon must never be diagnosed with any specific illness. you must never elaborate on what he suffers from.

& of course, our most important golden rule.

I) following the album is more important than developing a cohesive plot.

yup. he didn't kill her? so what, let him take the blame for it. he's the main protagonist & has been immune to everything until now? pffsh, we gotta end the story! it can't go forever! all those other plot holes? fill em with dialogue, it doesn't matter!

as long as you have an 11 chapter, each based on a song, in album order, story with "simon" as the protagonist, who cares about coherency?

but we're finally done now, so let's close this out.

simon is dead. the raft flows softly on the water. the tension is gone & the sirens swim away. there is no more story or plot to be had here. we are done. maybe one final line about the stella octangula or the moon or the ocean, but it's over.

rip to simon, i guess; you would have loved mitski.