so simon's out at sea. this part of the story is required by law to be boring & incredibly uninteresting. he floats around. that's about it.
simon will never need to eat, or starve on the raft. he will be just fine in the heat of the day or in the storms & waves of the night. it will never matter as we get into our third & final golden rule:
logistics do not ever apply to simon. he is beyond mortality.
simon is god, but a punching bag god. he can never die, no matter what happens, until the next chapter. you could throw him down an active volcano & somehow he would live. however, simon must be mentally tortured & beaten (perhaps physically too) in these stories, yet he must always survive.
simon must exist in abject misery.
"I am so gosh darn miserable," simon says. "I sure hope I don't start having flashbacks again!"
simon will now have flashbacks of his life before killing stella, or his being framed for her murder. something about maybe a lullaby will come up. this lullaby will have never been mentioned before. you must just trust it existed. oh how intimate & cute! what a lovely desperate last chance of giving stella some character!
it is possible simon writes a letter at this time. to who? whoever it may concern; which will be nobody, considering simon is surrounded by salt water that would destroy the letter the second it were touched.
"Oh, boo hoo hoo! Oh my folly I am so sad & miserable!" says Simon, again. "I am trapped on a raft I have named the S.S.Loathing, with nothing to do but sit & revel in my abject torture! The pain is unbearable!"
at this time simon will either start hallucinating, or... turn into a god, somehow? hey, you guys are the ones writing these stories, not me. i'm just the messenger.
"but that doesn't make sense!" you cry. have you learned nothing? remember our first golden rule, silly goose! these stories don't have to make sense! everything is a-okay! just go with it.
but thus, simon spots Things in the distance.
YOU ARE READING
"every h:pii fanfic ever"
Humorsimon [various last names] is stuck in [insert location], where he falls in love with some girl & goes a little crazy. that's the story.
