"every h:pii fanfic ever"

inside the mind of everyone doing the exact same thing here

we now cut to simon in court. no arrest. no period of investigation. nothing that ACTUALLY happens in a murder case. he's just in the court now. wow.

enter the judge. his name is usually marvin, & he is either a twink or a 60 year old man. he is also always gay.

"did you kill stella yes or no?" says judge marvin.

"Father your honor, may I explain? My brain has claimed its glory over me. I've a good heart, albeit insane-"

"it's a yes or no question."

"Yes."

"Condemn him to the infirmary!" this is a MUST line. you have to have it. it's required.

simon is now in the infirmary. no arrest period. no transport or visitation. he is immediately an infirmary patient. remember our number one rule!

welcome to the infirmary! this infirmary will either be named after something biblical, the stella octangula, or both. here you have the reverends. all the workers at this infirmary will be reverends, since hawaii: part ii fanfic writers have no concept of the other roles of the catholic church. consequently, all the infirmaries will use inherently catholic terms. the reverends are also evil for absolutely no reason other than giving this story antagonists. despite the fact a reverends job in this scenario would quite literally be just to help simon, all the reverends will either be pieces of shit, or if you're feeling fetishy, rapists (again, for no reason. weirdos...).

"hello simon i am reverend number one"

"i am reverend number two"

"i am reverend number three"

there are many reverends, since no other catholic roles exist apparently. all the reverends are the "evil british people" stereotype, have some tally hall reference as their name, & have very bland personalities.

"i am Father Generic, & i exist as a leader for this antagonistic group." father generic is an optional character for those who do minimal other catholic church research.

"we are the nuns! we have no distinct personalities other than being bitter old women!" say all the nuns collectively at once. every infirmary either has like 1 or 50 nuns. no in-between. they also, again, have no personality. they're evil & "hate" simon! that's all you need to know.

"we are going to zap you now" say all the infirmary workers at once, as they collectively lift simon & take him to The Zapping Room, a designated room in their infirmary.

hawaii: part ii fans also, on top of not knowing what an erlking is, have no idea how electric shock therapy works.

simon will be sat in an electric chair, despite the fact ECT is delivered lying down, & is not delivered in any type of electric chair device.

but right here is where we get into the second golden rule of hawaii: part ii fanfics.

"never actually specify what simon suffers from."

this is a debate too in the fan base. what's actually wrong with simon? the answer can actually be really easily found, or at least narrowed down, with a couple google searches or basic knowledge of the history of electric shock therapy.

ECT was originally, at one point, known as CCT, or cardiazol convulsive therapy, before cardiazol was replaced by electricity in roughly 1938 after a proposal by professor Ugo Cerletti & his assistant Lucio Bini. ECT was first used on patients suffering from schizophrenia, but was later discovered to work best with affective disorders such as depression & what would later be dubbed bipolar disorder, as well as helping with catatonic states.

so depending on your analysis of the mind electric & the time period in which the story takes place, Simon suffers from one if not multiple of those above disorders. however, simon's disorders, of course, will never actually be named, since nobody has guts to proclaim what's actually wrong with him.

simon is sat down, since ECT is never properly given in these stories, & is not given any form of muscle relaxer or anesthesia for the above reason. the workers of the infirmary do the zapping. no one ever goes into too much detail since it would be terrible to actually have to research ECT before writing about it.

simon at some point has to yell "doctor, i can't tell if i'm not me!" or some variant at some point in the chapter. he never actually talks to a doctor, i should mention. only priests & nuns.

this chapter is either split into about 5 different sections or is obscenely long, since this is the perfect tweening chapter.

we now abruptly end this chapter, in all its dramatics, to bring you a commercial break.