How can I apologize for all the things I can never change about myself?
My mouth refuses to push these words out, my throat blocks them.
All I have are empty words and a bottomless well of guilt.
I cross the street to avoid people who have loved me at some point.
I am afraid of their disillusionment. I am afraid of their version of me, which I have to admit, is real.
Very real.
Can I look them in the eye? Can I bear to see the ghost of all the love they had for me? Can I see the contempt in their eyes and not flinch?
When I think of love, all I can remember is derision.
