Number 31 (Barney Stinson x Female Reader fan fiction)

Chapter One - Perfect Month

"As you know, we had a tradition of going to Robots vs Wrestlers matches every year. In Twenty Nineteen, Aunt Lily, Uncle Marshall, Uncle Barney, your mother and I went. Barney was running late." Ted explained to Penny and Luke.

***

"Guys! I have something to tell you!" Barney ran in, panting. He took his seat next to Ted.

"Dude, what took you so long?" Ted asked.

"I achieved a perfect month!" Barney exclaimed.

"That's literally disgusting." Marshall said, joining the conversation. Everyone was kind of shouting because the robots and the crowd was being loud.

"But something horrible happened." Barney's voice became mellow.

"What?" Lily asked.

"August Thirty First was a few days ago, that was my last day. She's pregnant." Barney answered, sounding devastated.

"Okay? Does that not count?" Lily asked, confused. Marshall and Ted were too.

"It does. But what I meant was I'm the father."

Ding ding ding! The bell rang for the next round.

"What?" Marshall, Lily, Ted and Tracy all answered.

"I know right!" Barney said. "God, this is terrible! I always make them swim the other way!"

"But hey, now I can die with seeing everything!" Lily joked. Tracy gave her a high five. Barney gave them a stink eye.

***

"A month later, it was your mom's birthday. So everyone went down to MacLaren's bar and had drinks, even your Aunt Robin came." Ted said to his kids.

***

Ted and Tracy were sitting on the left side of the usual booth, waiting for the rest of the gang to show up. Lily and Marshall came next, sitting on the right side of the booth. Barney came next, sitting next to Marshall. Robin came last, pulling up a chair at the end of the table.

"Hey Daddy!" Robin exclaimed at Barney, leaning in for a hug.

"Whoa whoa whoa! I don't think..." Barney said, putting his hands up rejecting the hug.

"No! I mean your going to be a father!" She said, laughing.

"Oh! Right! Bring it in!" Barney said, hugging Robin.

"Happy birthday Trace!" Robin said, giving her a small gift.

"Thank you! How's China treating you?" Tracy asked.

"Not bad. Yesterday was my last day and tomorrow is my last day here." Robin replied.

"So, Barney, you have to give us a name on your baby mom! We can't just keep calling her "Number Thirty One"." Lily started a new conversation. By then, everyone had beer in they're hands.

"I came up with that name because I don't remember her name." Barney replied.

"What?" Everyone exclaimed.

"All I remember is that she was hot!" Barney said. Marshall slapped him across the face.

"Ouch! I thought the slap bet was over?" Barney asked, rubbing his cheek.

"It is, it's just your being an idiot. Try and get her name and number!" Marshall said.

"I can do that!" Barney smirked.

"Not like that!" Marshall exclaimed. "Get her name and number because of your child on the way. I assume your going to take turns raising him or her."

"No, I'm just going to let her take care of it." Barney answered.

"Thank God I divorced you." Robin muttered.

"I heard that! Besides, you can't get pregnant." Barney said to Robin.

"I know, it's just what if I could. Now knowing that you would leave me to raise the kid on my own, I wouldn't want to be the mother of your kids. I'm praying for her." Robin replied. Ted and Marshall made "Ohh" noises, indicating Barney got roasted. They all chatted and drank late into the night. Before they knew it, it was 1:00 am.

"Ted, I'm tired. Wanna get going?" Tracy asked.

"Yeah. Night guys! See you... at Christmas!" Ted said, leaving the bar.