You're my Kryptonite | H.S

♪ 32 - Loneliness ♪

Mackenzie's POV

After Harry had departed for the airport, I was left alone in my room to think for a while. Mostly because my brother had taken his girlfriend out for dinner. But that was 2 hours ago, I never checked if they were back, or not. Though I really don't give a damn.

I'm not going to deny the fact that I miss Harry. He told me to visit him on tour, but I just don't have the heart to see him, only to know I can't stay for all of the tour.

My heart will shatter into another million pieces if I have to see him, then just leave again.

I feel so miserable. The atmosphere and demeanor of the room isn't exactly helping either, because the curtains are closed to prevent any light from entering through the windows, and my clothes are strewn across the floor. Yesterday I didn't know what to wear for my date eight Harry so I had dumped all my clothes in one place, never bothering to clean them up afterwards.

Who knew it would be so hard to have a boyfriend who has to spend his time commited to both his music and a relationship at the same time? I kind of feel bad for him because of how much trouble he has to go through just because he wants to make time to see me.

I know he just wants to make me feel better, but it's still hard for him to cope with everything.

Sometimes it just feels so wrong to me. But maybe that's just because I'm alone.

I roll on my bed to the left, grabbing my phone to check the time.

4am. Harry and I shared our last kiss an hour ago before he left for his tour again.

I sigh and decide to go to sleep, seeing as I haven't slept a wink since he left.

My door creaked open, and then closed. I couldn't see who had entered since it was dark and my eyes were half closed.

"Mackenzie," the voice of a female whispered. "Are you awake?"

"Yes." I sighed, opening my eyes to see Lucas' girlfriend; Crystal.

Her light green hair was tied back to stay out of her face, her blue eyes sparkling with emotion and love.

Though I still don't know why she dyed her beautiful blonde hair … to green. Lucas and his extravagant taste in girls. But she's really nice, so it's obvious he loves her enough, because they've been together for 5 years. He even told me he was going to propose to her soon, but I don't know when. Let alone, she doesn't know at all. Mostly because it's a surprise.

"Are you OK?" she asks, taking a seat on the edge of my bed as I sit up.

"Not really." I admit. "I'm seriously missing Harry. And now, I'm doubting that we're meant to be together. I mean, he's always so busy and I'm just a burden that he has to carry around. He tries to make me happy, but in the end, he always has to leave. Do you think I should, you know, break up with him?"

"No, honey!" she exclaims, grabbing both my hands. "Don't, you'll leave him heartbroken. Do you really want him to be miserable? Don't you love him?"

"I do, with all my heart and soul. But I think it's best we just end whatever relationship we have with each other, and just go our separate ways."

She frowns and then nods, mumbling an 'okay'. But then, she looked at me again, crushing me in a tight hug.

"Do what is right," she whispers in my ear. "Don't break him, he loves you."

She pulls away, giving me one last smile before getting up and exiting through the door.

I'm more confused and lonely than ever!

But I understand what she means. She wants me to follow my heart.

But right now, my heart is the thing that's the most unsure and insecure.

♪

As I was brushing my hair solemnly, my iPad starting buzzing. I sighed and put down the brush, fixing my hair as I knew who my caller was.

I headed towards my iPad and received the call. "Hey, Hazza."

"Hi, babe!" he says, his voice really husky and deep, showing that he's tired.

I frown and let out a sigh. "How many times have I told you to call me when you've had proper sleep?"

"I can't help it." he moans. "Is it my fault if I can't wait to see my beautiful girlfriends face?"

"Yes, kind of." I laugh. "But seriously, get some sleep. I've got school tomorrow as well, and besides! You can't perform with droopy eyes, now can you?"

"Oh, you've started going to school again?" he asks, his long eyelashes fluttering.

I giggle and nod. "Yeah, I've gotta continue my education, I still want to be an author."

"Oh, really? I didn't know."

"Because I never mentioned it before, but yeah."

There was a long pause, where I wondered whether what decision I should make.

Should I say 'I love you, and I miss you a lot'? Or …

Or should I break up with him? Like, just say 'I can't do this, so let's just end it.'

"Love, are you alright?" Harry finally intervenes. "You look really perplexed, is everything alright?"

"Huh? Oh, oh yeah! Everything is hunky dory!"

Fuck, who the heck says something that stupid? Now I just know he's suspicious.

His eyebrows scrunch together as he tries to read my plastered smile.

"Please, baby, just tell me whatever the matter is," he pleads. "I'm here for you, even if I'm miles and miles away. You know I'll always be here to hear you out."

I weakly smile and just mumble a reply, barely audible. "Nothing, nothing is wrong, Harry."

"Then?"

I grimace at how much he's trying to pry out of me, but I won't have at it. Time to change the topic.

"It's nothing, I swear, babe!" I lie. "Just …"

I can't lie. I just can't. But I'm not telling the whole truth either, seeing as I don't even know the whole truth myself.

"I just really miss you!" I admit. "You're busy with this tour of yours while I'm here, sitting around, missing you. And … I just don't know how to handle this anymore but …"

"Are you breaking up with me?" tears are clearly showing in his eyes, shattering my heart into a million, or more pieces.

"No," I whisper.

"No!" I croak. "I'm not, but I just feel alone! And I know! I know you're there, and … it's so hard! I miss you so, so much, I just … I just can't stand it at all! Not at all!"

"Mackenzie, babe, I know how hard it is." he mumbles. "But it's just a few months, don't run out on our relationship just like that."

"I'm not." I weakly laugh. "I just miss you, that's all, and it's driving me to have the most absurd thoughts anyone can envision. Sorry for ruining your mood, and sleep."

He chuckles. "It's completely fine, sweetheart. I love you."

Smiling, I reply; "You too, handsome. You too, always."

I blew him a kiss which he pretended to catch, placing it on his chest. I shake my head, laughing, feeling like my stomach is about to burst.

"Goodnight, love." he whispers, before disconnecting the call.

"Goodnight, Harry." I mumble when I shut my iPad.

Laying down onto my bed, I burst into tears. My life is so complex!

I'm dating a famous singer, my parents have ditched me and I haven't had a proper get-together with my friends for two months now.

It's sad how alone I feel from time to time. Just … sad.

Harry, I love you. I miss you, please! Please come back soon! Please!