Forgotten ~ B.Barnes

Chapter 25

Bucky stepped back, and let go of her hand.

"Look at me." He said but she didn't look.

"Look at me dammit!" He yelled and she hesitantly looked at him.

"Why?" He asked. "Why did you do it?"

"You wouldn't get it."

"Why!?" He yelled louder this time.

"Because I thought if I could take out shield, I could finally be free!" She yelled back at him, trying not to waver her voice.

"What do you mean by that?"

She looked to the side before looking back at him.

"I overheard Fury telling Stark that after they win, they were going to put me back in prison."

"So you thought it was a good idea to bomb shield?!"

"Yes! At the time! All these voices were in my head Bucky, you don't understand, I tried to fight it, the darkness, the need for revenge but I couldn't! It- It was too much and I'm sorry okay?! I'm sorry!" She yelled at him, tears forming in her eyes.

"You could've come to me! Asked for my help, I would've listened and helped you! Why couldn't you just trust me?!" He said with so much pain in his voice, it broke her heart.

"I do trust you. I just don't trust myself."

"That makes no sense."

"I don't trust myself Bucky, I don't trust myself to get close to anyone, because when I do they die or they leave me and I'm all alone."

"I would've understood Nyx."

"I know and I'm sorry."

Bucky ran his hand through his hair.

"Look what you did Nyx?!" He breathed out. "You just put me in the middle of all this, god."

"I didn't mean to."

"Nyx! You don't think before you do anything! You let people get hurt and you walk away!" He yelled at her.

"Oh, don't try to act surprised now! I told you from day 1, that I was not the person who you thought I was. So don't act all shocked now, knowing the things I've done."

"But you are different Nyx! That's the thing, you are!"

"How?! You keep saying that, so please tell me how I'm so different!" She yelled at him.

"The way you take care of Peter. You do that because he's 17, he's a kid, the same age as you when you were taken. You take care of him because you don't want the same thing to happen to you."

Nyx rolled her eyes.

"With Fury, you call him 'Nicky' because your parents used to call you 'Nyxie'. You used to think of Fury as another parent figure, so you call him that to show love, just like your parents did to you. They used nicknames as a form of love and now you're doing it."

"Shut up."

"The way you wont get close to me because you're afraid you might actually fall in love with me. The last time you fell in love with someone he died, he left you all alone and you're afraid that I'm going to die when you fall in love with me."

"Shut up." She said a little louder, with tears forming in her eyes.

"You like the beach a lot because it reminds you of freedom, of being free without a care in the world. You weren't able to be free for a long time. So you used to think of the beach when you felt trapped in Hydra. That's the reason you want to live on a beach, because you want to feel free."