Strangers, Again

Long Way Down

Long Way Down by Tom Odell

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Lizzie's POV

I didn't get any sleep last night. My mind wandered around nonstop, and there was nothing I could do about it but let it happen. I couldn't stop it from replaying in my head. The way she took my arms off of her waist. I didn't know how much I've missed her until that moment. The way she felt against my body, and her familiar scent that I've longed for, came crashing down on me. It really has been way too long. She still feels the same, despite the wedge between us. The warmth and tenderness of her body is still there, and for a brief moment, it felt like old times.

The sad truth is that it's not like old times anymore. The 'us' before everything happened is gone. We were separated from each other for a long time, and even though we managed to pretend like it didn't hurt anymore, we were lying to ourselves. The pain never left. I would like to think that the love is there, and that it never really went away, but when I looked into her eyes that day, I couldn't see the person that I fell in love with. And that's not her fault. I crumbled her world into pieces and left her to fend for herself.

Maybe, somewhere, in some way, we stayed together. Stayed true to our word. In my ideal world, that night never happened. Three years of not seeing each other was nothing but a bad dream, and I would wake up in her arms. She would caress me with her words, and tell me that my dream would never happen. Not in a million years. We would be happy together. She would kiss me, and I would kiss her. And just know that in the deepest part of our soul, we belong with each other. Our heart beats as one. '

Unfortunately, the world is not a grant wishing factory. I don't get the future that my heart desires. It's unrealistic, and quite frankly, unattainable. It's crazy to think that we turned out like this. Every little thing we went through, all down in the drain because I thought that I was doing the right thing. But, what I didn't know that night was that, not only was I hurting myself, but I was slowly destroying the love of my life. I tainted all of our great memories.

It's a tough day. I kept messing up my lines, and it took us almost two hours to get through a ten minute scene. It was like the words were in my head ready to be said, but my mind was elsewhere. It's almost too impossible for me to function at work properly. I'm a mess and it shows.

"Liz, can we speak with you for a moment?" The director said, his voice is quite stern. "Is everything okay? It's unlike you to forget your lines as frequently as you did earlier. If you don't feel good, we could-"
I interjected, "No, it's fine. I'm fine." I insisted. "Just a slow morning, that's all."

"Okay, if you say so."

I gave the man a weak smile before I mindlessly made my way back to my dressing room. I need to pull myself together during this fifteen minute break because a lot of people are counting on us to finish shooting most of the third episode's scenes today. I can't be a dead weight, especially when the show is solely focused on the character that I play.

After a while, my feet led me in front of her office. I wanted to see her. To apologize about missing our session and everything else in between. She's all I think about and more. I couldn't bear the thought of her hurting once again because of me, and I've proven time and time again that that's the only thing I know how to do. Even when I'm not trying to hurt her, I end up doing it anyway. I'm starting to think that maybe I should just leave her be. But, as I stood conflicted out of my mind, that's the last thing I want to do. My heart wants her and she's worth the fight that I have to go through. Even if it takes a lifetime, I'm willing to go through hell just so that I could be with her again. She would've done the same thing. Fight for me.