Strangers, Again

Astronomy

Astronomy by Conan Gray

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Lizzie's POV

Last night was a little rough. I couldn't get an hour of sleep. I found myself staring into oblivion, thinking of how fast things changed. All of the what-ifs invaded my head like wildfire. None of us knew that the night would end the way that it did. What we had was beautiful, and I ruined everything by letting my guilt get the best of me. I thought I was protecting her feelings, but it turns out, I was doing more damage than good. I was the reason why everything went to shit. There's no excuse as to why I'm miserable. I ruined the only good thing in my life. And I'm afraid that I lost her forever. She's so close, yet so far. What if our time has passed? Would I be able to live with the guilt? What could've been our happily ever after, turned into two different paths that would never cross. Ever again.

When I heard her voice during a quick soundcheck with the overhead mics, I didn't hesitate to divert my attention to her. She looks happier, and her voice is full of life. People were talking around me, so I wasn't able to listen in on their conversation. But, by the look she has in her eyes, it's obvious that she's talking about something that is making her happy. I would know because she used to look at me like that. It stings because she looks happier, but I'm not the reason why she's smiling. I've always wanted to make her happy, to make her smile so bright that I would be blinded by it.

There's no one else to blame but me. I could spend the rest of my life self-loathing about how much I regretted making that stupid decision that I still find myself in, but at the end of the day, I still said what I said. There's no valid reason for the words that came out of my mouth so easily. I messed up, and I'm facing the consequences. I deserve this more than anything.

The scenes we shot for the first portion of the morning dragged like I thought they would. We took a lot more takes than planned, but that's to be expected when it comes to shooting. My distraction didn't help either. Despite being in character when the cameras started rolling, I still found myself stealing sneaky glances at her every chance I could get. It feels as though every scene I've done today, I could relate to. It's like the world is trying to tell me something that I don't already know.

As soon as we were dismissed for lunch, my first initial thought was to look for her. I thought I would find her by the rooftop, but to no avail, she was nowhere to be found. I went back downstairs to her office and found her hunched over, sleeping soundly. I entered the room, silently making my way to her. I pulled a vacant chair before taking a seat, mirroring her movement. Her head is being supported by her right arm while she dozes off peacefully.

I leaned over, my head resting on top of the table as I remained in my eye contact toward her sleeping state. My gaze followed all of the features I fell in love with. Even after all these years, what my mind forgot, my heart didn't. I didn't want to look away. It's been so long since I've been this close to her. I miss everything about her. I miss falling asleep inside her arms while I'm listening to her heartbeat. My whole body aches for her, and I want nothing more than to be inside of her arms once again. I feel as though something so simple is out of my reach.

When a strand of her hair fell upon her face, I carefully tucked it behind her ear with a longing smile on my face. I mindlessly drew an imaginary line along her jawline, making my way toward her eyebrows, down to the outline of her lips. I pictured myself kissing her like we always do, and how complete it made me feel from the second the gesture is initiated to when it's happening, and when she would wrap me in a warm embrace letting me know how much she loves me.

"I miss you more than anything in the world," I mumbled softly. "There hasn't been a day where I didn't think of you. Of us. I wish things were different and the circumstances were in our favor. I'm sorry for breaking my promise." A single tear escaped the corner of my eye. "There's still no one else like you, Y/LN."