Strangers, Again

by my side

by my side by HONNE

________

Lizzie's POV

It's been a rough couple of days. It took a lot out of me to avoid her at all costs when all I wanted to do was let her know how much I still love her. But, unfortunately, that option is out of the window. I'm left with nothing but a broken heart, and wondering where I went wrong for things to drastically change. Was I that easy to forget? How could she act like what happened between us didn't matter? The first week meant everything to me. I guess it was all one-sided.

What hurts more is that, underneath the pain, part of me still has hope. I find it hard to believe that everything that went down between us before meant nothing. I felt all the love she was giving me. There was no way she was faking it. But, why does it hurt so much?

I wanted to get mad at her more than anything. I felt used, like I was easy. But, no matter how hard I try to get myself to feel that way, I couldn't. I end up hurting myself more. I feel as though, somehow, in some way, she has a good reason for everything. Maybe, she feels like she owes her something. For healing what I broke.

That's the thing about Y/N. She will put everyone's needs before her. No matter how much it could possibly hurt her, she will put her feelings aside in order to please the people that mean to her. I know her better than anyone. Hell, maybe even better than herself. Maybe that's why I couldn't be mad at her. Because, I know, deep down, she's conflicted about her feelings and it's slowly breaking her piece by piece. And the worst part of it all, is that, I don't think she knows this yet.

I found myself spacing out during a five minute break. As usual, I stumbled on my lines yet again, and they gave me a few minutes to look it over so I could remember. Little did they know that, I remember my lines. It's not like I forgot, but rather, my mind is somewhere else but here. This was the last thing I wanted to be doing.

It's the last day of shooting. Our last day here in Hawaii. During my lunch break, I continued to pack the remaining of my clothes. When I came across the shirt I wore when we kissed in the rain, tears began to pour out of my eyes easily. It's tearing me apart slowly, and as if that wasn't enough, the bracelet that I thought I lost, slipped to the ground.

When I picked it up, memories of when she gave it to me flashed before my eyes. Like before, I broke down again. With my knees pushed against my chest, I allowed myself to let it all out completely. I held the bracelet and placed it against my lips, hoping she would come back to me. But, as reality starts settling in, I'm reminded that I'm not meant to be happy.

I haven't seen her all day. I don't know if that's a good thing, maybe it is for my heart, but part of me wants to see her across the room just so I know she's okay. But, wherever I look, she's nowhere to be found, and it's causing a wedge between my head and heart.

After I overheard a conversation between Miles and Veronica about how Y/N left with Florence to go back to LA, my emotions came at me all at once. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom so I could pour what's eating me from the inside. Words could not explain the type of hurt I'm feeling, and I want nothing more than for it to stop because I don't know how much more of this I can take.

I couldn't sleep. My mind is racing faster than I wanted them to, and it ended up waking me in the middle of the night. I'm wearing her hoodie, and I could still smell her scent and the perfume that she insists that she doesn't hate, but deep down I know she does. I decided to take a short walk at the beach, and with every step, I thought of her. Of us. I looked up at the moon, wondering if she's thinking of me.

Y/N's POV

As the plane reached its ideal elevation, I glanced outside my window, my gaze plastered toward the moon shining so brightly. And then, suddenly, she's all my mind could think of. I felt guilty about leaving, and everything else I've put her through. She didn't deserve any of it, and I'm an idiot for hurting her when I know damn well how it felt. I know better than anyone the type of pain it causes you to feel when you're left to wait for someone that never came. I wish it didn't have to be this way. And I know, it's all my fault. There's no way around it.