Strangers, Again

this is how you fall in love

this is how you fall in love by Jeremy Zucker

________

Y/N's POV

As soon as I woke up, the first thing I wanted to do was apologize to Florence. I could still remember the disheartening sound of her voice when I told her I couldn't make it. I wished I could've been there for her, but I was out of option, and I couldn't necessarily leave Maya all by herself. It bothered me all night, knowing that I hurt her. She was so excited to see me, but I flaked. I really wish I could've been at two places instead of one. I'll have to make it up to her one way or another.

Here I am, in front of her doorstep, contemplating if I should even show myself. My hand hovered against her door, conflicted out of my mind. My heart rate is out of control, and I'm scared that she'll push me away. I can't blame her. I wouldn't want to see me either after canceling our dinner plan at the very last minute. But, I want nothing more than to see her. Not to explain, but to apologize. I owe that to her.

When I finally gathered enough courage, I knocked gently, waiting for a response. There was none, but I still waited. I did it again, hoping that she would open the door. I wouldn't think much of it if I didn't know her work schedule, but I know it's her day off, and I could hear the faint sound of The Office playing in the background. It pains me knowing that she's ignoring me. Again, I can't blame her. Her actions are justified by my shitty ones.

I knocked once more, "Hey, Flo, it's me. I know you're in there. Please open up."

No answer. I stood sluggishly before situating myself into a seated position, my back leaning against her door. I sighed exasperatedly as my gaze stared off into the oblivion of the hallway. I allowed the silence to win between us, my thoughts getting the best of me. There are so many things I want to say, but I can't quite grasp what my heart desires. It's difficult when I'm so afraid of messing up.

"I'm sorry for canceling our plans last night." I start out slow, and careful. "I'm an asshole. I should've told you beforehand. I totally understand you ignoring me. But, I just want you to know how sorry I really am. I'll make it up to you, I promise. I just wish that this doesn't drive a wedge between us because I don't know what I would do without you."

I pulled a note that I wrote last night, basically apologizing for not showing up. I wrote a couple more things in there that I felt so strongly about last night and how I would do anything to keep her in my life. Needless to say, I was feeling a lot when the clock turned midnight. I hope she understands.

I slid the piece of paper under her door before I stood from where I was sitting. I looked at her door, still hoping that it would open and she would cling her arms around me. But, unfortunately, she didn't. So, I left. When I stepped out, a void took form in my chest, and suddenly, I felt empty. An indescribable sensation stirred up inside of me, and when I looked back at her apartment, that's when I felt it. Oh, how I wished I was inside with her, on good terms.

When I got to work, I immediately drowned myself in the tasks that don't necessarily have to get done today, but I'm treating it as it is. I practically locked myself inside the booth, working my ass off. Here, I thought that it would be enough to distance my mind from thinking of Florence and how much I hurt her, but no matter how much I try to distract myself, it was useless. My mind would always draw back to her. She was all my mind could pay attention to.

I couldn't get anything right either. The melody of my instrumental soundtrack sounded like shit. I was almost tempted to take my anger out on the soundboard, but I was better than that. Instead, I spent most of my time groaning to myself and checking my phone to see if she texted me. Just like an hour ago, there was nothing. My phone is as dry as it's ever been. The one person I want to see invade my notification is not doing so and it's definitely affecting my work.