When you're ready

16. I'm here

Camila looked over at where Shawn was with Brian in his kitchen as she sat down at his sister’s piano. They were talking in hushed tones, but she could tell Brian was trying to make sure Shawn was okay. It had only been two days since he told her what happened with his parents and sister and now it was happening all over again. She couldn’t help expecting him to break down at any second, but he didn’t even share a tear.

 A few hours ago she had been waiting for him to pick her up for school like he had been doing every day, but who showed up at her house instead was Brian. He was the one to tell her Shawn’s grandpa had passed away during the night and drove her to see Shawn, who insisted she didn’t have to stay and should go to school anyway, but she couldn't force herself to leave him. She felt in the hug he gave her when she walked into his house that this was affecting him way more than he was letting it show.

 “ I’ll talk to Mrs. Miller for a second.” Brian suddenly said out loud, walking to the door while Camila noticed Shawn’s neighbor crossing the street outside. Camila was glad Shawn still had an adult to help him somehow. She could tell having to be the responsible one was starting to weigh on him, even if he didn’t admit it.

 Shawn looked at her from across the room when Brian left, his eyes fixating on her like he was scared she would disappear too. He was seated over the kitchen counter, his head rested against one of the cabinets as he occupied such a small space. If he didn’t look so sad, it would be a comical scene.

 “ Come here.” He finally whispered to her after staring for the longest time.

 Camila didn’t hesitate to stand up and slowly walk to the kitchen, hating the way she had no idea how to comfort him. As soon as she stopped next to him, he reached for her hand and pulled her closer to the counter where he was, helping her take a seat next to him. Their hands were still clasped together as he rested his head on her shoulder, his eyes looking tiredly at her as she let her other hand run through his hair. He closed his eyes as he felt her fingers on his curls, relaxing under her touch as she noticed Brian and Mrs. Miller talking outside through the window.

 “ I don’t really know what to say to make you feel better.” Camila whispered, making Shawn open his eyes again and lift his head to get a better look at her face. She hadn’t said anything to him since she got there because she didn’t want to speak in front of Brian, but now she felt like a terrible person for it.

 “ You don’t have to say anything.” Shawn told her. “ I just need you here with me.”

 Camila nodded her head at his confession. Earlier he had insisted she didn’t have to stay, but now he was admitting he needed her there. This definitely felt like an improvement. She just hoped when he finally cried and let himself feel what was happening, he wouldn’t try to push her away again.

 “ I’m here.” She told him, feeling as he slowly leaned into her, his forehead resting against hers as he looked at her. Their lips were only inches apart, their breaths mixing together as her heart skipped a beat. She felt wrong about wanting to kiss him considering the situation they were in, but if this was what he needed at the moment, then she wouldn’t mind. She would do anything to take this pain away from him.

 Camila saw as Shawn closed his eyes, doing the same a second later as she felt his lips lightly touch hers, but suddenly they were apart from each other just as quick. Brian walked back into the house and both of them pulled away, Shawn going back to rest his head on her shoulder as Camila felt her cheeks burning. She still had one hand holding his tightly and the other on his hair, touching his messy curls.

 Brian smiled at Camila from across the room, relieved that Shawn was at least letting her comfort him in a way. He soon disappeared inside the house and Camila wasn’t sure if he was actually doing anything in there or just trying to give her and Shawn some space, but she appreciated it.

 They didn’t actually talk, it was pretty clear Shawn didn’t feel like it, but she held him for so long she almost lost track of time. Brian eventually showed up in the kitchen again and they both tried to make Shawn eat something, but he kept saying he wasn’t hungry.

Neither of them left Shawn that day and when it was getting dark outside, he finally decided he wanted to eat some ice cream. They didn’t have any left in the house, so Brian went to the store to buy it and Camila just let Shawn lay with his head on her lap as they watched a random cooking show on TV. By the end of the night, the three of them were eating strawberry ice cream together as Shawn laid his head on Camila’s shoulder, but he never let a single tear out and she could tell Brian was also worried about that.