I'll tell you in 30 years

5 - Don't Say

When my circle started sending me pictures of Jun with Dil, I closed my eyes. When he looked so happy in the pictures, giggling, and laughing in the videos, I closed my eyes. When Jun was distant from me, I closed my eyes.

But when he called me, to say that he couldn't come back, after being apart for 3 months, I knew. Even though I could close my eyes, was I being fair to Jun?

He obviously found someone that he wanted to be with. And it wasn't me. I had burdened him for so long, should I burden him more? I knew, no matter what, he would never break up with me. He was loyal that way.

Finally, a week later, he arrived home. Tired, but excited at the same time. He bought for me, a pearl necklace, gorgeous pearls, big round simmering pearls.

"For you, I saw it when I was passing through the shop and thought of you!" He passed me the gift. "Wear it tonight, just the pearls and nothing else."

I did. 

 We did.  Many, many times. 

For the next few days, our lives became as before. Me cooking and him teasing me about my culinary skills. Us cleaning our apartment and he complained that it wasn't clean enough. He had to vacuum the floor again, to make sure it was up to his standard. And we argued about Ronaldo vs Messi. Couldn't settle the argument on the coach, needed to settle it on the bed. I lost again.

He had to leave again tomorrow. Tonight, was our last night.

I cooked a feast for him, chilled the soju, plenty of soju. Since we started with soju, I thought it was appropriate to end it with soju. No Korean bbq though, it was beyond my culinary skills.

"How was the food? I want to break up." He choked and glared at me. "Here, have more soju."

"What? What did you just say?"

"Was the food, okay?"

"No, the other sentence."

"I want to break up."

"Why?" The glare was getting more intense.

"I want to make a comeback. YBY promised to host my come back concert. I will be out in public again."

"What that has to do with us breaking up?"

"I am afraid that people will find out about us, and they will use this to take you down. You have worked too hard to get to where you are today. I can't do this to you. I don't even know if I will be able to make a successful comeback. But I really can't risk it if anyone finds out about us." I put my head down. 

Too heavy. Couldn't breathe.

"So, you want to break up, because you want to go to YBY and have a comeback concert??? Did I get that right?" He paused for a moment before continuing in a very low voice, "Did I get your story correct?" The glare continued. "Do you even know how ridiculous you sound?"

Me...............just keep putting my head down. Don't cry, die, die, mustn't cry.

"Can you tell me, exactly why you want to break up? Did I do something wrong? Was it because of the outside rumor?"

"No, nothing like that." If only my head can go any lower.

"Then why? Tell me the truth. Don't give me such a bullshit excuse."

Okay, lowering head doesn't seem to be working. Let's battle this head on. I stared at him, and with one breath and said, "I am with YBY now, and don't want to be with you, anymore."

"Hmmm..." In a very quiet way. He kept looking at me, if he could laser me there and then, he would have done so. "When? Since when?"

"Been awhile."