I'll tell you in 30 years

9 - And you are not here

Question - How do you leave a home that you have built together?

Maybe you can start by packing your stuff. In most Korean dramas, the betrayed wife would be stuffing their cheating husband' luggage and kicking the man out from the house. It would be intense, with tons of tears and appropriate background music.

In my case, just me alone, in his apartment, that was more than seven times my previous apartment size. It was more than 5,000 sqft penthouse unit, atop a gorgeous hill. If you go to the balcony, you can look at one of the tallest buildings in the world, lit up beautifully. During festive seasons, we would have bbq party on our balcony and watch all the crazily loud fireworks in the sky.

Because both of us adored wood themes, most of our furniture we picked together is made from solid wood and steel frames. Our wine bar was filled with bottles that we bought from the airport duty free stores or given to us by our friends from the circle.

I went to our master bedroom, rows, and rows of built-in cabinet. Funnily enough, we didn't have a closet. Half were filled with my things, and almost all were bought by Jun. And I suspected at least 20% were still brand new, unused.

Jun has the habit of buying me stuff when he is away for work. Watches, bags, clothes, jewelry, make up, perfume, you named it, chances are, he had bought it for me. He finds it a delight when I tear open the packaging and start posing with his gifts.

Question - What to bring, What to leave behind?

Because I am such a camwhore and he is so gorgeous, our home was filled with our pictures from all our travel. Me doing the cliché thingy - throwing the coins in the Trevi Fountain, him being very thoughtful and hidden in the shadow in front of Michelangelo's Pieta, or us just wet and laughing in Emerald Pool in Krabi. All these pictures, a lifetime of memories.

Can I carry away our bed, where we slept, fought and comforted each other in the darkest days?

How about our favorite sofa in our living room, where we would just snuggle with each other, Netflix and chill. Rum and raisin ice cream included.

Better still, my desk in the study room, where I spend the bulk of my time, away from him, composing songs or our grand piano in our music room?

Each time, when he was back and saw that I was so engrossed with playing my composition, he would annoy me by banging (gently) on the piano's ivory. I would glare at him, and shooed him away, and he would say, "Pay attention to me. Play me instead!" Yeah, he was clingy that way.

Our second favorite spot must be our kitchen. The kitchen layout was designed by Jun, because apparently, he was the master chef in our house. Wall to wall layout, in pure glossy white, equipped with unimaginable kitchen gadgets.

Jun started cooking when he was 8 or 9 years old. His mother got a part time job as a maid and would be away from home until late evening. The first dish he made was an omelet with big onions and rice which turned into porridge. Added too much water.

Later, he graduated to become the family cook, preparing one to two dishes every night for the family dinner. The menu depends on whatever season.

He finds that cooking is very pleasurable. And I find annoying him in the kitchen very pleasurable.

We would sit at the kitchen island, peeling the vegetables or prawns or shallots, and chatting away. Sometimes, we would play my composition, and he would give me feedback - the notes are too jarring, tempo too slow, tempo too fast etc.

Can I carry away the island?

You know what is the funniest thing? Initially, when we had our meals together, Jun didn't talk much. He would just reply with a hmmmm, or argh or a shake of his head. I asked him, "Can you talk properly with me?" His reply. "Is rude to talk at the dinner table!" I would go like, "What??"

"Yes, you are not supposed to talk with your mouth full. In my family, when we eat together, we don't talk."

To us, having the fieriest debate during our dinners, until our chilled wine became warm.

"Bloody Paralympic Committee, took away Zayid's gold medal. If he was late for the call room, then they shouldn't allow him to compete. Can you imagine how he would feel, he broke two world records, and won 1 gold medal, and then, it was taken away from him."

"No, I solely blame it on Zayid's team. Why didn't they get him into the call room on time? What were they doing there? Were they holidaying there?"

"It was raining. Not just Malaysia team, but Australia and Ecuador were eliminated too. Where is the sense of grace? It was just 3 mins."

"In these types of events, you can't be late at all. In fact, you should have been there earlier. So is the Malaysia contingent team at fault."

"Bloody Ukraine, no sense of sportsmanship."

"The Ukraine team didn't do anything wrong. They have the right to raise a complaint. Who asked the Malaysians to be late? The Malaysian contingent in charge should be fired!"

You can try to guess, who was the Malaysian basher, and who was the 'it was everyone else fault, except for the Malaysian team'.

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Yup, you got it right, Jun was the person cursing at the Malaysia's contingent team. How dare they be late! How dare you not being there earlier!

To Jun, talking nonstop and me, just nodding and arghing in our last few meals together.

"This production is very intensive. We have a psycho director that enforced constant workshop for Dil and I. So, I might not be able to come back so often."

"Hmmm...."

"My character is unique. First time playing an astronaut. They stuck us in a zero-gravity environment for us to practice our movements."

"Argh...."

"Really funny to be floating around."

Nod, nod.

"How are your compositions coming along? Any advertisers using it?" Poke, poke, "Hello, Are you still here?"

"Argh, sorry yeah, you asked me something?"

"Yes, how is your composition coming along? Any good songs you want to share?"

Shake, shake my head.

"They will be showing the new Spiderman movie soon. You don't watch it by yourself. Wait for me to come back and we watch it together, okay?"

Nod, nod.

"When I finished shooting, let's go someplace together. Where you want to go?"

"Hmmm...Japan?"

"Good, let's go to Tokyo, Kyoto and Osaka. I would have a one-week break, you plan the itinerary, okay."

"Hmmm...."

"What do you want to do tomorrow? My flight is at noon. Do you want to go to Mitsui with me, before departing?"

"Not really. Too lazy to hide my face."

"Okay, let me make your favorite pancake then. You no need to wake up so early. I will prepare breakfast."

I, definitely don't want to carry my dining table with me.

Question - At the end, what did I pack?

Just my clothes, books, laptop, handphone, charger, my first (the watch that I was wearing) and last gift (pearl necklace) from him and my personal items. After 5 years of staying here, my belongings only fit into 4 boxes and two luggage bags.