More Than A Look

Chapter 10

Raechel cries in her room. Her mind is circling. She has feelings for Oscar, but she doesn't want to run away with him. She doesn't want to leave Benjamin, but she doesn't love him.

She has to make a decision, make up her mind. Run away with the man she believes she loves, or stay at peace with the man who she doesn't love. The confusion was killing her.

Her cries could be heard on the hallway where Tabitha was passing through. She enters her room, and sees her cry. "Raechel, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

Raechel prefers to be honest with Tabitha. She told her she can talk to her when she needs to. "No. I'm not okay. I'm so confused. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to think."

"Why is that? Tell me.", Tabitha sits besides her.

"Tab, I don't know if Benjamin told you, but...before I married him, I was in love with another man.", she says fearing Tabitha might not know anything and be disappointed.

Instead, Tabitha nods, "He did told me. About the deal he made with your mother and that you married him, when you were in love with someone else. That was the reason you both have been having fights. Is that correct?".

Raechel doesn't want to get into details. The important thing is that she knows that she was in love with another man, while dating Benjamin. "Yes, I did. I don't want you to hate me for this Tab."

Tabitha places her hands on Raechel's, to calm her, to stop the tears.

"You can tell me anything. I will do my best for not to judge."

Still, she fears telling her that the man is found here. That she has already meet with him, even kissed him.

"Tab, I hate myself for this, but....the thing is...I'm still in love with that man. But Benjamin...I married hating him. I can't forgive what he had done...", Raechel harldy speaks.

Tabitha can understand Raechel's motives of anger, "I know. I've known him since he was a child. He can be impulsive, stubborn, a bit violent, if you like. But I promise he is a man of integrity."

Raechel agrees, it was what Benjamin had shown when she met him, and he is doing it now.

She takes a deep breath, "I promised myself that I would hate him for the rest of my life, but...I don't know. He's been so kind and attentive. The last thing I want to do is to hurt him."

"You are falling in love with him, but you still have feelings for that Oscar guy, don't you?" Tabitha can read Raechel's mind.

Raechel talks about Benjamin with enthusiasm, but it was always been Oscar. She doesn't think that its possible to fall in love with two guys at the same time.

So, how can she know if she is in love, or how can she decide?

"I don't know. It is so confusing. For so long I was sure Oscar was the love of my life. Now..."

Raechel gets frustrated for not getting her words together to say how she feels in a way that Tabitha would understand. But she doesn't need to. Tabitha knows what is the problem and she is determined to help her so her thoughts will no longer have question marks.

Tabitha asks her, "Tell me, why did you fall in love with Oscar?"

Raechel thinks back when she met Oscar, "The first time I saw him, he was the most handsome man, such a hard-working man. So nice. I don't know. When I see him, my heart beats so fast."

Tabitha studies Raechel's answer. "So you've fell in love with him for his perfections, but what about his flaws?"

When Raechel met Oscar, she never paid attention to his flaws 'til now. When she spoke with Angie, she realized of Oscar's cowardness, and his possessiveness. Like the time he got angry when she made plans without him. She had only seen his perfections without knowing him, because it would never work out if she focused on defects. "I thought when it comes to love, you don't notice the flaws".