Two days later, I was sitting on the couch reading. I couldn't find the energy to pull myself up. Rain pattered down on the window panes. The sky was a rolling blanket of clouds the colour of wet ash, and the ground its dank reflection. Cold winter air whipped the hair in front of my face. I took one step out onto the front porch, it looked like late evening, even though it was early morning. Sprays of rain cover my face ; the rain got heavier.
"Pretty severe weather," my mum walked up to me in her nightgown, with a coffee in her hand.
"Yeah," I sat down on the table.
"Are you okay? I know we've been through a lot with Anna but, are you doing okay?" she sat down right beside me.
"I'm fine." To be completely honest, I didn't know if I was okay. The whole thing with Anna hadn't left me much time to do anything else, and even if it had, it was impossible to focus on anything else. So maybe I wasn't doing fine, but it would be selfish to drag everyone down to where I was.
I just sat there for about half an hour, staring at the rain. It was cold, but I couldn't care less. The pitter-patter of the rain drops dancing on the roof was calming. I felt empty. Thoughts passed through my head, thoughts that brought joy, thoughts that brought tears. Anna would be awake soon. Today was the day she had to return to the hospital.
It was a thought I wished I could push away. I had never experienced such heartache, such worry; the feeling that she was going and I wouldn't be able to do anything about it. I could hear slow footsteps approaching, and instantly I could tell, it was Anna.
"Tara, I need to talk to you." Her face was straight. I turned around and she walked and sat down on the chair closest to me.
"I need your help; I need you to help me give this baby life." She put her hand on my shoulder.
"Anna..." I would do anything for her.
"The doctor said that it's going to be awfully hard to carry this baby. But Tara, I'm going to have her. I'm going to have a healthy, happy baby. I need your help. Will you help me?" her words were full of hope.
"Yes, of course I will."
The rain continued. I carried Anna's luggage out to the car with dad. Her luggage was small, it was only going to be a two night stay. She would be wearing a hospital gown anyways.
Anna promised me two more episodes of Friends before she left for the hospital, which was going to be the highlight of my day. Just like old times, we could be together again, laughing. She was waiting for me in the lounge, with her blankets and pillows arranged decoratively, typical Anna.
I could tell how hard she was trying to enjoy it. Her laughter echoed, it had been a while since she had laughed, I had forgotten how nice it was to hear.
"Hey, I guess that I can keep my hair now, you know, now that I don't have to go through chemo and all." She leaned forward and her face twinkled.
"Yeah, I guess so." I was jealous of her optimism.
As soon as those episodes ended, she forced herself up off the couch and into the car. Silently and emotionlessly. Following her, I opened the door to the car and stepped in.
Not many of us talked on the way to the hospital. A few times my parents asked questions like 'how are you feeling Anna?' or 'Don't worry, We're almost there'. We pulled up in the parking lot. I couldn't believe it; we basically have a frequent parking spot in the hospital now.
Anna prepared herself, you could hear her breath shaking, in and out. The smell of antiseptic filled my nose once more, leaving the fresh air outdoors. I faced the hospital corridors.
