LETTERS TO YOUR GRAVE

CHAPTER 17

[UNEDITED]

EMAYA'S P.O.V

At some point in your life, you meet a person that makes you feel at home with just their presence alone.

Home used to be you, Kaz Grey.

"You look nervous. Is it because you're going to his house?"

I turned around from staring out the window to see Nyx, holding two cups of what smelled like coffee.

He came into my room and closed the door using his foot. He handed me a cup and made himself comfortable on the floor while leaning on the side of my bed.

"Talk to me Emma." He smiled.

It's funny how life works. One moment a person is in front of you, saying "goodbye" and then the next moment you see them it's an actual, "goodbye... until we meet again. Or not."

I joined him on the floor and put my head on his shoulder.

"You know how that used to be Kaz's house?" I asked and continued, "What if I mess things up with Raidyn? What if the memories suddenly hit me like a fucking bus because that's where we've made the best memories Nyx? What then? What if I suddenly have a panic attack? I'm scared you know? I don't wanna lose him... in anyway."

You taught me how to love Kaz, though in that process of loving you so much, I started losing myself because I lost you.

Nyx put one of his arms around my shoulders.

"Tell that mind of yours to stop over thinking. Seriously. Even though we're twins, we're both different people and I get that. But, Kaz was my best friend too and you know that. I loved him just as much as you did.

At one point, I wanted to follow you. I wanted to not be separated from you, because you were my past that I was so afraid to let go of. I thought no body understood what I was going through. I thought that we'd somehow be able to meet each other again if I also did what you did. But I was wrong. People come and people leave. It's just how it is and apparently I have to accept the fact that you're gone. I'll live, for you and for us, okay?
If I ever see you again, I'd love to tell you about how the world has it's good sides too.

"I understand that you both were lovers, but, that doesn't mean my love for him was something foreign. I loved him in the same way that I love you Emma, as a brother would. So it'll be okay."

You were loved Kaz... and you're still loved.

"One step you took forward was visiting his grave, another one was talking about him to Rai. Today is just another one of those steps okay? And this is one big step, but it doesn't hurt to try does it?

Who am I kidding? Of course it's going to hurt but isn't Kaz worth the pain?" He kissed my temple.

I've ran away from the truth for far too long.