COSMOS

Asphodel: my regrets follow you to the grave

In the English county of Northumberland, hidden behind the castle battlements, you will find the Alnwick Poison Garden, which you must enter at your own risk. It contains a collection of poisonous plants from all over the world including Wolfsbane, Mandrake, Ricin, Opium, and Cannabis. Many of these are labeled with information about their toxicity and traditional and modern uses. A large number of plants that we now know to be toxic were once used widely as herbal remedies for all sorts of ailments. In short, these plants will either kill you or cure you.

I am happy that cosmos is a lovely non-toxic flower. They are edible, perfect for brightening up a salad.

Only if it doesn't grow inside your lungs.

***

Brett wasn't expecting Hannah to be here, to be honest.

Their mini twosetviolin concert at a university has gone well today. They were invited to the after-party in the dormitory where they could hang around with other musicians in school. It was fun for the most part. The drinking, loud music, and new people. However, after about an hour, Hannah joined in and Brett's mood immediately turned sour.

He rolled his eyes when Hannah poured another drink for herself and Eddy, who was already clearly drunk. Brett would have stopped pushing Eddy's limit by now and asked if he wants to go home, but Hannah seemed to think differently. Eddy's arm was wrapped around Hannah's waist, squeezing it once in a while. Hannah was leaning her head on Eddy's collarbone shyly.

Just get a room, already. Brett thought bitterly.

Everyone was commenting that they were a cute couple, and Brett couldn't help but admit, yes, they looked good with each other.

Brett briefly walked to the restroom and took out an inhaler. He was tired of hiding his feelings all day. These days, he was mostly passing out in bed during the night, coughing himself to sleep. The bloody petals have been getting worse and worse, harder to conceal and control.

Just as he was about to take the dose, a drunk man opened the restroom door.

"Oh sorry, didn't know someone was in here," the man muttered.

Brett noticed the man right away. He was playing a clarinet solo in the orchestra today. Brett noticed that the man was staring at Brett the entire time during drinking, but Brett thought this was only because he was...oh well, the solid half of twosetviolin.

"It's alright. I just needed some break from the crowd, that's all," Brett shrugged.

"Why? It's not fun out there?" the man leaned to the wall, scanning Brett from top to bottom. Brett fidgeted nervously at the gaze.

"It's just..."

"Do you want to go up to my room? It's quieter," the man bit his lips, smiling slyly.

Oh god, is this dude flirting with him?

Brett turned red as he realized what was happening. The man walked slowly toward Brett, raising his hand to trail his fingers from Brett's temple to the cheekbone. The sensation made Brett shudder, chilling him to the bones. He didn't want this at all, but at least Brett was having his mind off from Eddy for a little while. And isn't that good enough a reason to make a stupid decision?

"I...I'm not sure...I'm pretty drunk and..."

"Come on, it's going to be fun."

The man smelled strongly of cigarettes and alcohol, both of which were unpleasant. His breath lingered on Brett's ears for a while and he suddenly leaned forward for a short kiss on his cheek. The sheer nastiness of the situation was enough to recoil, making Brett ten times aware of the present than any other time. Alright, this was it. The ultimate solution to erase Eddy out of his mind tonight. Brett wanted something to hurt. Wanted something to hurt so bad that he wouldn't have to deal with the real pain inside him.