COSMOS

Purple chrysanthemum: I give you all of me

When God decided to create flowers, he first made cosmos to see how he liked it. This is why cosmoses have weak and thin stems that sway like a ripple through a breeze. Cosmos was the most imperfect flower that God has ever created.

Chrysanthemum is known as the flower which God has made last, thus acknowledged as the most perfect flower of all. Its sophisticated structure along with its thick stems makes it sturdy even in a strong winter wind. Yellow chrysanthemum means one-sided love. Red chrysanthemum means I love you. White Chrysanthemum means thank you. And purple chrysanthemum means...

***

"Here," Justin handed Brett a sweet Yuzu-tea.

Brett was sitting on his bed, changed into his clean clothes. Justin has helped him wash the blood and petals off his mouth earlier, which took a long time because Brett couldn't stop coughing, no matter how hard he tried.

"I know what works best for that," Justin has said that and went into the kitchen. A few minutes later, Justin came back with a cup of hot tea. Brett smelled a sweet citrusy aroma that colored the air into a warm cloud of orange. The hot water burned his tongue but calmed down his throat by a notch.

"Thank you," Brett sighed, finally able to breathe better.

"I had hanahaki before. I know how much it hurts," Justin sat down next to Brett, rubbing Brett's back for comfort.

"Really? But you remember it?"

"I was lucky. Even after surgery, I could remember bits and pieces about the person I liked and how much I suffered from it. Most of the time, I heard people forget it entirely," Justin rolled off his shirt, revealing a small scar on his chest.

"Oh, do you... do you really feel nothing after the surgery?" Brett asked nervously.

"Well, yes. After the surgery, my feeling for the person were extinguished entirely. It felt hollow for a while ... but now, I think it was a wise decision. He could not love me back, I deserved to be happy, and... this was the best decision."

"If you don't mind me asking...why didn't the person love you back?" Brett drank another sip from the cup.

"He died from a car crash," Justin said simply, his voice calm and serene.

Brett almost spat out his hot tea.

"I..I'm sorry," Brett stammered.

"No, don't be. At least I'm immune to hanahaki now. You can't hurt me even if you want to," Justin laughed, brushing it away.

"Thank you for staying with me for tonight," Brett whispered.

"My pleasure. I'm happy that you summoned the courage to call me," Justin took the empty cup from Brett's hand and put it down on the stand next to the bed. He tucked Brett inside the blanket, kissing him on the forehead.

"It's late. Do you want me to turn off the light now?"

The room was dark and silent as Justin laid down next to Brett. Brett could feel the unfamiliar presence next to him, shuffling underneath the sheet. Brett's muscles went tense, recalling what happened at the restroom today. Maybe Justin will assume the same thing and try to make a move...? Wouldn't he be offended if Brett say he's not ready yet? It was late and he came all the way here for Brett after all.

Brett tried to conceal his short nervous breath with a pillow. He was almost regretting his decision to call Justin this late while he was alone at home. Brett barely knew this person. They only met once. Justin could be anything from an undercover spy to a black market organ dealer. How could Brett resist if this tall guy decides to just rape him right now forcefully? Brett felt a slight shift of movement behind him, moving closer to him.