COSMOS

Dahlia: instability

In Korean mythology, there is a flower field that you can only enter once you are dead, but it neither belongs to the land of the dead nor the living. The garden is called the Seocheon flower field.

First, you need to cross a white river as high as the knee, made of tears. Next, you need to cross a yellow river as high as the waist, made of more tears. Finally, you need to swim across a red river as high as the neck, made of blood. Once you reach the place, you will meet children who died before fifteen, taking care of the most peculiar flowers you will ever see.

There is a flower that makes you laugh. There is a flower that makes you cry. Some will make you fight, some will make you generous. Some will even make you gorge on another human being. There is a flower that kills, there is a flower that brings the dead back to the living. These flowers represent new birth, death, and emotions.

Korean folktale writers have written that the most elegant way to take over the world is to be the master of this flower field. I like the story. When I imagine the end of the world, I want it to be destroyed by a handful of colorful flowers, not by some silver bullets or mushroom bombs.

There is no beauty in that.

***

"Wait...just for a moment. I will pick you up. Tell me, where are you?"

Brett's voice was desperate as he drove straight toward the street without a destination.

"Why are you just crying? Please Eddy, where are you?"

Brett has never been to Hannah's place but he knew something was definitely wrong when he arrived there to pick Eddy up. The door handle was broken. Glass shards were scattered on the floor. Shelves were toppled. Eddy was sitting on the couch, his face pale and his eyes distant.

"Eddy..? Are you hurt?" Brett immediately ran to Eddy, crouching down in front of him. He took Eddy's face in his hands, alarmed. Eddy was trembling. Brett noticed a long bloody scratch across Eddy's cheek.

"What happened? Tell me," Brett whispered in fear.

"We...we fought over some stupid things. She began throwing things and...I...I was trying to stop her and......."

"Oh fuck," Brett cursed under his breath, tracing fresh bruises appearing on Eddy's arms cheekbone.

"...she is not coming back, isn't she?" Eddy stammered, his voice shaky.

"Where is Hannah?" Brett asked, looking around.

"she left, telling me to get all my stuff out from her house before... she comes back," Eddy dropped his head to his hands, breaking down in tears. "Fuck, Brett, I messed up."

Brett took a deep breath, taking in the situation.

"Everything is going to be alright. Wait here for a second," Brett walked over to the bedroom. Brett noticed several potted plants in the room, possibly Eddy's work but he wasn't going to move all these plants back to the car. Brett opened the closet instead. He found some of Eddy's clothes and underwear along with some sheet music with notes sprawled on the floor. Next, Brett checked the restroom, taking Eddy's cologne and toothbrush. Brett held Eddy's stuff in one hand and swiftly came back to the living room.

"We're leaving. I'm taking you home. Let's go," Brett firmly took Eddy's hand, pulling him from the couch.

Eddy staggered out of the house with Brett, his face red from crying. There was no need to open the front door as the door handle was already broken and hanging loose, showing the violence of the moment. Brett has never seen a door handle get this messed up - Hannah will probably have to replace the door entirely. Brett just pushed open the exit, leading Eddy outside.

The whole ride back home to Eddy's place was quiet, other than the occasional sniffling from Eddy. As soon as they arrived at Eddy's place, Brett took Eddy to the couch and wrapped him up with a soft blanket, just like Eddy has done for him the last time.

"...Eddy, look at me," Brett spoke softly, gazing at Eddy's blurry eyes.

Eddy met Brett's eyes momentarily, just to break down in tears again.

"Shhh...it's going to be alright, I promise," Brett hugged Eddy, his heart shattering along with him.

"I...I want to call her," Eddy cried, taking out his cellphone.

"Let's...let's wait until the morning. It's not the best timing."

Eddy didn't listen to Brett as he pressed Hannah's number fervently. Nobody picked up the phone though, only a silence rang at the end of the line.

"Please, Eddy. I think...she needs some time herself," Brett gently took the phone away from Eddy, putting it aside on the table.

"I need to go back. I need to apologize and..."

"No, Eddy. No. It's too late," Brett shook his head.

"No, fuck Brett, I...I can't let her go like this. No. I can't-" Eddy shut his eyes, a stream of tears running down his cheek. Eddy hiccupped, searching for air.

"Things will be better tomorrow. I promise," Brett stroke Eddy's back reassuringly, trying to calm him down to no avail.

"There are...there are so many things I want to do with her. We promised to go traveling...we promised to go to that concert and...I can't, Brett. I need her. Please," Eddy's voice cracked between the tears, broken in pain.

Although Brett was never a big fan of Hannah, Brett wished she will just come back now, for Eddy's sake. At the same time, he felt frustration toward Eddy for loving someone who will hurt him like that. Brett knew he was not in the position to criticize that though, while he was also hurting himself by hiding his feeling from Eddy.

All Brett could do now was hug Eddy tightly in his arms, waiting patiently until the tears subside down.

"She doesn't know...she doesn't know something important about you, Eddy. She doesn't know how beautiful you look when you smile," Brett slowly stroked Eddy's hair, wishing he could eat up all the sadness inside Eddy. "Because if she knew, she wouldn't have made you cry like that," Brett shut his eyes in pain, feeling his lungs burst into cosmoses that went dormant for several weeks.

Hannah, let me ask you a favor.

Please, love Eddy. Love him tenderly, treasure him like no other. Please, don't make him cry. You are the one he loves, so love him more than I can ever love him.

Brett's heart broke as he felt Eddy shaking in his arms. Brett knew he wouldn't be able to return home tonight.

Fuck, Eddy. I could have the courage to let you go because I thought you would be happier without me. How can I ever let you go if you're hurt like this?

And the cosmoses grew, their roots digging deeper into Brett's lungs.

*dahlia*