COSMOS

Tulip: confession of love

There are still people who buy tulips because of Mozart.

Tulip, the flower that I first met in an art class when I was young. The flower that bloomed instead of my heart pounding. If tulips get a music piece, it should be Mozart. My teenage years like a rias coast received that flower.

Tulips turn on the straight light like a lighthouse. The round light entered through my mouth. The disease started through the long coast of my body. My teenage years have broken the necks of those invasive species from time to time but I still have the memory of the curvy road that I walked on brightening up along with Mozart.

......Ask a tulip.

Ask a tulip -Jaehak Song

***

"Brett, go get some rest," Eddy tapped Brett's shoulder during a stage rehearsal.

"I'm alright."

"Bro, your face is pale and you have been coughing for like every ten minutes. You are definitely sick."

Well, technically, that's true.

"Alright," Brett sighed as he walked off stage. His nerves have been standing all day looking out for Justin and thinking back to the hand in his backyard that tried to haunt every blank space of his day now. Rehearsing with Eddy wasn't doing any good either because the cosmoses in his lungs were basically screaming despite the inhaler now. It was almost a miracle that he could stand not throwing up the petals right on stage and it took every muscle in his body not to do so.

"The rehearsal is almost over though. You can go get rest in the hotel room now. I will tell the team and wrap everything up," Eddy smiled as he gave Brett a thumb-up.

"Thanks," Brett smiled back with a tired look.

His mind was jumbled up with disturbing thoughts as he cleaned his violin. Brett was glad to have his usual Eddy back, caring and looking out for Brett in every corner. Eddy was all Brett's, the twosetviolin's... at the price of Hannah. The mere thought of it made Brett sick that he was secretly enjoying the absence of Eddy's ex-girlfriend too much. This wasn't right. This couldn't be right.

As soon as Brett walked back to his hotel room, he rushed to the restroom and crouched down in front of the toilet. Now, Brett knew he absolutely deserved this crushing pain in his lungs, the sickening feeling of petals flowing out of his throat with blood. When Brett was done with his usual coughing fits that seemed to tear his entire chest out, he fell to his side, feeling dizzy. Brett wasn't sure how long it would be until he will cough the entire flower out but he dreaded the moment to come. What should he do? Moving on was not an option anymore. He was in way too deep for that. Get the surgery and abandon his career and his lifelong friend? Die of suffocation? Confess his feeling to Eddy and wish for a miracle to happen?

Dear Lord, why does love have to be so hard on me.

Brett staggered to the bed and crept into the sheet. His small body felt smaller in this big king-size bed by himself and he couldn't choose who he wanted more at this moment - Justin that he used to know before the murder or Eddy, his lifelong crush. Brett shut his eyes tight, trying to think anything or anyone other than those two but then, the ghostly face of Hannah appeared out of his foggy thoughts and Brett shuddered, knowing full well he can't sleep or rest like this anymore.

Then there was a sudden knock on the door and the sound startled Brett as if the knock came straight from hell.

"Who is it?" Brett croaked out weakly.

"Hey, it's me."

Brett slowly tiptoed to the door, meeting Eddy in his pajama.

"How did the rest of the rehearsal go?"

"Really good. I was worried about you so I decided to ... check."

"It is a hard day for both of us," Brett muttered, rubbing his eyes.

"Yeah," Eddy agreed.

"Do you mind sharing the bed with me?" Brett looked up at Eddy, too tired to even care for Eddy's reaction. Brett knew he needed Eddy, regardless of how much it will hurt him.

"I was waiting for you to say that. I don't think I can sleep by myself either," Eddy grinned as he walked into the room.

They both crept into the sheet, facing each other. Brett sighed with relief when he felt the warmth of Eddy radiating next to him. The soothing sound of Eddy's breathing calmed Brett down, and it seemed like just the old days without the hand, without the murder, Justin, or...cosmoses.

"Hey," Brett whispered, shifting closer to Eddy.

"Hmm?"

"I missed this," Brett chuckled shyly. Brett didn't even know how he was pulling this bold move right now, something that he could never imagine doing so. The sheer tiredness of the whole situation seemed to have cut whatever logical thought he had in mind. Brett was fed up, exhausted beyond tolerance, and that forced him to be honest for once because Brett knew himself this was the only way out of this nightmare.

"Sleeping together like this? We used to do this a lot when we were kids, remember?" Eddy yawned.

"Yeah, we slept together, ate together, practiced together, studied together..."

"Typical best friend for life, right?" Eddy murmured.

"I think that is why..." Brett's voice trailed off as he heard Eddy's light snoring beside him.

The pale moonlight reflected Eddy's perfect face in the dark. Slightly ruffled hair covering his forehead, fluttering eyelids, his perfect nose, lightly chapped lips, his Adam's apple and...

Brett's gaze trailed toward Eddy's body, feeling the fiery passion in his heart once more. How could he avoid the truth and the only truth in front of him, that he wants this man with all his heart?

Love was something beautiful. Love was something that shouldn't be concealed. It needs to be shown, expressed, and be acknowledged.

Now was the time and Brett wasn't going to wait any longer.

Brett felt Eddy's minty breath mingling with his. The familiar scent of the man he loved was intoxicating. Eddy should know. Eddy should know how much Brett wants him, how much he needs him and Eddy will...Eddy will make a choice. Brett was ready to face both the yes and the no. Anything will be better than torturing himself with his own blood and petals without even hearing the answer, right?

Take the fucking risk.

Brett licked his lips nervously. His heart was pounding against his chest. Brett gently leaned toward Eddy, closing his eyes. Their lips matched, perfectly for a moment. Eddy's eyes opened in shock when he suddenly felt Brett's soft lips against his own.

"I love you," Brett whispered.

Everything was still for a moment. The room was unbearably silent.

Then after a few seconds, Eddy jumped out of the bed as if coming back to his senses after a brain freeze. Eddy recoiled back to the wall, facing Brett, gaping in horror and...

disgust.

Brett knew the expression too well to deny it. Eddy was disgusted. Purely and utterly disgusted. With him.

There was no need for word as Eddy shakily stood up to run out of the room.

And there was no word to describe how loud the cosmoses began to wail in Brett's lungs that night.

*tulip*