Trans Fundy Angst

•chapter 7•

TW: s3lf h@rm, bl00d, eating disorder, su1cide

•Fundy POV•

It had been a long day, Wednesdays were always long and boring.

I was sitting on my bedroom floor, I was tired and kinda sleepy.

I didn't want to fall asleep, I could still remember all the nightmares I had the weeks after mom died, I was still 2 years later scared of falling asleep. I was only 12 when she died.

The dreams were about dad and mom killing themself in front of me, I've never told anyone about It, it wasn't necessary.

I got up and walked over to my bed, I laid down. I couldn't do anything else I didn't want to sleep on the floor.

I closed my eyes and opened them again, I was in another place. Was I dreaming?

I saw Niki, she sat with me on the floor playing with lego, everything moved so slow. Where was I?

As I looked around I saw Niki's mom standing in the kitchen talking on the phone.

I remembered where I was.
I was at Niki's old house 2 years ago, that day when mom died.
Her mom was talking with Phil on the phone, her eyes started to water as she put the phone down and walked towards us.

"Fundy ill be giving you a ride home later, and you will be eating with us. Okay? Either Phil or your dad can pick you up later." Niki's mom said she was crying.

Niki didn't say anything she was just sitting there looking at her mom.

"Why can't they pick me up?" I asked.

"Oh well, your dad... Umm he was in a car accident earlier today and he is in the hospital right now and Phil is with him." While the woman said that Niki hugged me.

"Why can't mom pick me up?" I asked, back then I didn't know that she had died, I didn't know fully what death even was.

Niki's mom leaned down in front of me and sighed.

"Your mom was also in the car accident, she didn't make it out alive Faith." Niki's mom said. I was first surprised that she called me by my deadname until I remembered that I still haven't come out as trans 2 years ago.

And I waked up there, I was sweating and shaking. It was like I had just woken up from a nightmare.

I just sat there in my bed, I was crying.

At the same moment, someone knocked on my door, I didn't feel real. Was I still dreaming?

"Can I come in? It's Tommy." He said from the other side of the door.

"S-sure," I answered with that, I don't think I could stand up, my head was spinning and my eyesight was blurry.

I could see Tommy entering my room, he walked towards me.

"Has something happend? Your shaking." Tommy said.

I didn't answer him, what was I supposed to say? That I had just been dreaming? Was this also a dream?